BONUS • 10 • Christmas

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[00:02:31] This is Kinks and Cocktails, where we do a different kink every episode. We have a bonus episode today. A belated Christmas bonus episode. Holidays, if you will. So sorry it's late. Our holidays are busy. Last year we did a late one too. We can celebrate whenever we want, right? Hi Danny. Hey, what's going on? We had a very exciting night last night, I guess. Yeah, it sure was.

[00:03:00] My niece and her husband bought tickets to a concert slash rave at the Armory in Minneapolis for... It's not a rave. It's not a rave. It's not a real rave. And for my brother and wife. And so we went kind of raving with them, which I never thought I would do in my entire life with my brother. It was very interesting. It was interesting. I was bored, but... Well, they had a time of their life, so... Good for them.

[00:03:28] I'm glad they got out of the middle of Wisconsin, the middle of nowhere, and explored to Minneapolis and had some fun. Yeah. Glad they did. Yeah, it was a good time. It's an experience to have. Yeah. So yeah. How are you feeling, Danny? I'm feeling great. Excited to record this episode. I'm feeling like a panda. Oh yeah. I just made some chili crisp, cheesy, creamy pasta for us and... Mmm. It was delicious. Now I'm tired.

[00:03:58] Very creamy. It was very creamy. Sorry, Danny. You're lactose intolerant. Yep. Well, here we are. Yep. All right. Should we start off with story number one? Yeah. Go ahead, Katie. All right. Here we go. Hi, everyone. Here's my story. Here's how things went completely sideways. I thought it'd be fun to use some Christmas lights for a little naughty holiday fun. My partner thought it was hilarious and hot, so they went all out,

[00:04:27] wrapping me up head to toe like a human Christmas tree. But instead of using modern lights, we picked those old school incandescent ones because they looked more, quote unquote, authentic. Oh, sounds a little dangerous. Bad move, they said next. Those things heat up like crazy. At first, it was kind of nice, warm and cozy. But pretty soon, I was sweating like a turkey in the oven. Then my arms started stinging.

[00:04:55] And I realized the bulbs were literally burning me. Wow. I panicked and yelled, get me out of this now. But my partner was behind the couch, wrestling with the plug of the lights, swearing about tangled cords. Oh, no. Meanwhile, I'm squirming like a trapped cat, trying not to get burned even more. And then I smelled it. Burnt skin and melting plastic. Oh, that's pretty gross. Yucks. Wow.

[00:05:24] When they finally got the lights unplugged, I had tiny burn marks all over my arms and legs. And the couch had these scorch marks that looked like we tried to summon a demon. Wow. This is so bad. We'd have ruined the moment. Yeah. We spent forever on tangling me. And I spent weeks explaining weird red spots on my skin as, oh, I just got too close to the oven or burn myself cooking. Wow.

[00:05:55] That reminds me of the time when we were supposed to go car shopping with your parents. I couldn't go because it gave me a hickey and I couldn't hide it. I don't remember that. I do. Anyways. Now Christmas lights give me flashbacks. Lesson learned. Leave the kinky experiments to the pros or at least use LEDs. Take my advice, please. From anonymous. Wow. So these are the lights that bubble.

[00:06:22] I didn't say bubble lights, but I think all old school vintage Christmas lights are kind of dangerous. Oh, okay. LEDs are like the more, that's why they use it nowadays because they're more, they're safe. Yeah. They don't get all hot. Yeah. So that's a. Wow. Lesson learned. Yeah. I mean, I like Christmas. I don't think I like Christmas that much. Yeah. I don't. No, you don't.

[00:06:54] All right. Should we move on to story number two? All right. Let's go. All right. Hi, Katie and Jake. Danny today. That's all right. Hi. That's me. I had to share my ridiculous Christmas disaster from last year. I planned the sexy surprise for my boyfriend, Dan, thinking it would be a holiday memory for the ages. It definitely was, but not for the reasons I'd hoped. I decided to get all festive and tie myself up.

[00:07:22] What's if they're really tying themselves up for Christmas? I don't know. Because they all want to be a present. Apparently. All right. They tie themselves up with red ribbon under the Christmas tree. The idea was that when we got home from work, he'd find me lying there, all wrapped up like a gift, ready to be unwrapped. Cute, right? Yeah. Sounds like it. Well, I didn't think to lock the cat out of the room before I got into position. Our cat, Mr. Whiskers. Oh, what a dumb name.

[00:07:52] That's such a typical cat name. Loves ribbon. Maybe that's a fake cat's name because people might know who Mr. Whiskers is. I think everybody has a Mr. Whiskers. So, in the second he heard me messing with the ribbon, he bolted in like it was the greatest day of his life. At first, it was kind of funny. He started pawing at the ribbon and batting the little bows I'd stuck to myself. But then he got a little too into it.

[00:08:20] He started chewing on the ribbon around my ankles and I was terrified he was going to swallow it. So, I tried to shoo him away, of course. I tied myself a little bit too well, so I couldn't move much without ruining the whole setup. I started whisper yelling, Mr. Whiskers, no, stop it. That only seemed to make him more excited. He thought it was a game. He kept pouncing on the ribbon, biting at the bows, and climbing on me like a giant cat toy.

[00:08:49] At one point, he managed to pull the ribbon loose around my legs and I was stuck trying to retie it while fending him off my feet. Okay. Pause. If he, if the cat, Mr. Whiskers, I can't even say it, Mr. Whiskers, that's what I was going to say. Mr. Whiskers. Untied the ribbon around your feet, use that opportunity to get up and move the cat out of the room. Yes. Right? Yep. I'm sorry, but that's...

[00:09:17] Well, maybe their partner was going to show up at any second. But missed opportunity to help this situation. Yeah. Anyways. All right. By the time my husband got home, I was a complete mess. The ribbon was half chewed. The bows were crooked. And Mr. Whiskers was perched on my chest like he just conquered a mountain. My husband walked in, took one look at me, and burst out laughing. I would have to. Yeah.

[00:09:47] I'd be like, what an idiot.

[00:10:16] I tried to play it cool. It did. Oh, my goodness. Thank you, E. That was a... Yeah, that was from E. Cheers, E. Oh, yeah. We have a shot we didn't do. Oh. Oh. Okay. I guess we're doing a shot. Yeah. Here we go. Cheers, Danny. Happy holidays. Cheers to you. Oh, yeah. Happy holidays. Happy holidays to everybody else. All right. Taken out of my ring pop shaped shot glasses.

[00:10:46] Yep. I'm going to wear my ring pop purse tonight from Dolls Kill. All right. Yeah. Keep the theme going. Oh, you didn't even finish your shot. I did not. I just wanted a little sip. Oh, well. I'm nervous. I was going to knock it over then. What? Should I finish it then? Might as well. Oh, my God. Why not? All right. Yep. See? Down the hatch. All right. Woo. Happy holidays, everyone.

[00:11:14] We have these flimsy tables that we use on the side. Yep. All right. Well, I guess since we're taking a little break here, perfect time for story number three. Okay. Let's go. So when I read this, I thought it was perfect. A little switch up from what we normally do for these stories. So they are an ER nurse. And they gave us some safety tips. Oh. Oh, excuse me. Oh. Heavens to Betsy. That shot. Okay.

[00:11:44] Here we go. Hi, KNC crew. I am an ER nurse. And I wanted to share some things to not do this holiday season. Yes. Number one, avoid novelty items that look fun, but are unsafe and not made for the bedroom. Think twice before trying any fun holiday themed toys that haven't been tested for safety. The last thing you want is to end up with something stuck somewhere it shouldn't be. Okay. So my first thought.

[00:12:14] You know how Target makes like those Christmas tree cone shaped holiday decor. Yep. That looks like butt plugs. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I think that's what they're talking about. Yikes. All right. Number two, do not attempt DIY bondage with Christmas lights. Oh, wow. Hmm. Guess this should have been the first one. It should.

[00:12:42] Well, they're cute and twinkly, but the wires can cut, burn or get tangled. Yes, they can. Yep. If you must use lights, make sure they're securely plugged in and aren't going to create an electrical issue mid scene. Number three, avoid using tinsel or garlands as restraints. Why is that? Well, I'll tell you.

[00:13:10] While festive and shiny, tinsel can slip off easily. Garlands can get tangled in uncomfortable places and both can cause skin irritation. Stick to materials designed for comfort and safety. Okay. Number four, don't get too ambitious with holiday food play. What does that mean? Holiday treats like chocolate, whipped cream. Oh, okay. Our candy canes might sound fun in theory, but they can cause a sticky mess that's hard to clean up.

[00:13:40] Not to mention melted chocolate in uncomfortable places is definitely not part of the plan. Never, ever, ever put sugar where it doesn't belong. There's a nasty yeast infection. It can send you to the ER. Wow. Yikes. You know, everybody says like chocolate and whipped cream is the normal, when they're normal kink thing. Yeah. So. But they are an ER nurse, so I'll trust them, I guess.

[00:14:09] I don't know if that will really send you to the ER. It's not going to stop. Well, everybody's pH is different. Yeah. So it happens, I guess. It can happen. We'll have to Google the statistics on that one. No, we're not testing it out. Maybe. All right. Number five, don't use fake snow or glitter for intimate play. While they look magical, fake snow and glitter can get everywhere.

[00:14:39] I think Danny knows this about me. Oh, yeah. Glitter everywhere. Being a rafer, I'm sorry. Danny always thinks we're not going to get the deposit back on the hotel room when we travel for festivals. Because I always get glitter everywhere. Yep. Hasn't happened yet. We always get it back. Who knows? I never check the bills, so who knows? Knock on wood. All right. Let's see. So, yeah. That's it. Stay safe and happy holidays from your local ER nurse.

[00:15:09] Local? Wow. From Minneapolis? I wonder who that could be. Kara, is that you? Probably. All right. Thank you for that. That was some good tips. All right. Move on to story number four. All right. Last Christmas, we were snowed in during a horrible blizzard, so I decided to bake some homemade gingerbread cookies.

[00:15:36] The cookies were cooled and I started decorating them. It was getting late and my boyfriend and I had just got out of the shower. Oh, no. My boyfriend had just got out of the shower and was walking around in a towel. Suddenly, I had an idea. I was going to decorate him like a gingerbread man. Didn't we just talk about this with the sugar? All right. All right. I grabbed my icing bag and told him to lay down on the bed.

[00:16:05] He was confused but went with it. I proceeded to decorate him. I traced his body with icing, added buttons and everything. The works. He then told me it was time to, quote unquote, eat him. I mean, fair. I started sucking his fingers and then he said, my toes are next. Oh, no. Wow. Well, he just got out of the shower, I guess.

[00:16:32] I guess I didn't think this through because I am not into toes or feet play. I never want to suck on his toes. Let's just say they're full of calluses and hairy. That's pretty gross. And he doesn't really take care of them. Oh, man. Oh, no. You're earning it this hard. Holiday. I tried licking other areas to distract him, but he kept asking me to suck on his toes. No.

[00:17:02] I finally did it. And he started coming almost instantly. Wow. Yanks. Probably didn't know that about him, I guess. Apparently not. I can't even. I'm down to do this more often. If only he took better care of his feet. Well, maybe you should tell him. Okay. Here's the next sentence. Perfect timing, Danny.

[00:17:27] For Christmas, I got him a full foot care package at a spa and some at-home foot care things. I will let you know how things go after Christmas and into the new year. Take care and happy holidays to you and Bianca from tea. Thank you, tea. Maybe get a nice foot bath. I give you foot baths. I give you foot baths, but don't get any ideas. I'm not sucking on your toes. It says my feet are sore from work.

[00:17:57] Yes. I do make Danny a nice foot bath. Yeah, they're nice. I wish it would stay warm longer. Yeah, we need to figure that part out. Maybe I'll boil the water or something. No, I'm not putting my feet in boiled water. But they get... The water gets cold. I don't know. We'll figure it out. I burned my feet. We needed a heated foot bath tub. I think we had one. We did have one and then it broke or something. Yep. All right. We'll figure that out. Here's another one. All right.

[00:18:27] We've got two left here. Hi, Kingston Cocktails, Bianca, an alien friend. My girlfriend and I live in Canada and it can be very cold. I hear you. A few weeks ago, we were up late watching a movie and I got horny. But I wanted to try something different. I told my fiance I was going outside for... Wait. They said girlfriend and then fiance. Maybe they're poly relationships. I'm not sure.

[00:18:58] Or newly engaged. I don't know. Okay. Anyways. I told my fiance I was going outside for smoke. But when I was out there, I grabbed a huge icicle off the garage roof. Wow. Oh, I know where this is going. I wonder where this is going. I'm talking two feet long and like five inches thick. Wow. Where else can you get an icicle like that but Canada, I guess. Yep. This thing was bonkers.

[00:19:28] I laid a towel down inside and told my fiance to lay down. I started to eat her out and finger her. Then surprised her with this massive ice tilt. Wow. How did you sneak this thing in without her noticing in the first place? I don't know. Maybe she was distracted. Maybe. She was really enjoying it. It was almost melting so fast I could hardly keep up. Wow. Then I saw it happen.

[00:19:58] A spider was on it and it started going inside of her. Oh. No. That's pretty gross. That is so gross. Well, they got it from outside. So. But why would the spider not be frozen? I don't. Spiders live through every. I don't know. I panicked and tried to grab it. Had to reach inside of her and quickly I got it on time. She didn't know what was happening and I didn't tell her. I just kept playing. Wow.

[00:20:27] We both had a lot of fun and fully melted. Eventually. And no more spiders were involved. Thanks for the stories. Love listening. On my way to work. From Jay. Wow. Oh. Lisa, if you're listening. She calls spiders yuckies. Sorry for that story, Lisa. One of the spider was frozen in the icicle. Maybe. Like how it. And then it melted. And then it came back to life.

[00:20:57] Oh, I hate that. Wow. Well, Danny, do you want to read the last one? I guess. I'm not very good at reading. Yeah, so I read them and Danny just does his husband's job in commenting. All right. I'm the yapper. Well, here's the last story. Let's go. Cheers to that, Danny. Thank you. Cheers. Drink and drink. I'm drinking a Modelo. I'm having my usual.

[00:21:27] Talk of soda. All right. Take it away, Danny. It started when my wife dressed as an elf for a party last year. The pointed ears, the braided hair. It shouldn't have been such a big deal, but it was. I casually asked her to wear it again. And now it's our little secret. The twist? She's fully leaned into it, developing this whole mischievous elf persona that keeps me guessing. Wow. Sometimes I swear she's having more fun with it than I am.

[00:21:56] And honestly, I won't have it any other way. Aw. That's kind of cute. Huh? It kind of reminds me of like the movie Elf. Yep. And how he finds his elf girlfriend and she leans into it. And oh, how sweet. She moved up north. To the North Pole. What if it gets that far? Yeah. Well, that's adorable. That's nice. Yeah. How wholesome. Very wholesome.

[00:22:28] All right. Well, I guess that's it, huh? Yeah. That was fun. All right. Well, thanks, everyone. Please give us a five star rating. It helps us out so, so, so, so much. You can join us on Patreon. Check out kinksandcocktails.com for all of this info and anything else you may need for us. Yeah. So I guess our next episode, Jake will be joining me and we'll be talking about erotic hypnosis. Ooh. Sounds exciting. Mm-hmm.

[00:22:58] I'm really excited about the episode with my coworker. Oh, yeah. That one, too. Yeah. We have a couple. Oh, my God. We have so much coming up. We took a break and now here we are again. So much. So, and then another episode with, yeah, Danny's coworker. I don't know if he wants to be remained anonymous or not. We'll talk. I'll just call him D. We'll talk more. We'll talk more. But, yeah. Be a nice surprise. Should I tell them what it's going to be about? No. No? All right. Well, it's a Q&A episode. Yeah.

[00:23:28] Interview style. So it'll be fun. Yeah. He has an interesting life. Yes. And I have questions and he has answers. So that's it. All right. Well, thanks, Danny. Hey, thank you. And thanks, everyone. Happy holidays. Hopefully 2025 is, well, I know you're going to say it. It's not going to be a good one. I'm going to keep on cranking out the episodes. Yeah. I got to keep myself distracted. All right. All right. Bye, everyone. Bye.

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