BONUS • 11 • Valentine's Day

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[00:01:25] Hi everyone, this is Kinks and Cocktails, a podcast where we explore different kink every episode. We have a bonus episode today. My name is Katie. And I'm Danny. How have you been, Danny? I'm alright. Just got off work. Gonna record this episode before Valentine's. Yeah, Valentine's Day themed today. Yeah. It's tomorrow. It is. Oh, that came up quick.

[00:01:54] Yeah, sure did. What are we doing for Valentine's? Um, I don't know. We might go to Vegas, I think. Yeah, we usually go last minute, so. Yeah. We decide the night before. Yep. And then I take two hours to pack. Yep. Yeah, I've been on a lucky streak the past few times of not getting pulled over by TSA to get further checked, so. That's, uh, why are you, uh, jinxed yourself? I know.

[00:02:23] Now that I said that, I jinxed myself. It's gonna happen. Well, we'll see. We'll see. Do we know where we're staying yet? Nope. Somewhere with a pool, hot tub. A heated pool. Yes, I, uh, I saw that if you stay at the D, you get access to the Circa Hotel, which is adults only. And there's like six pools there. I like, I like an adults only pool. The main pool is closed, but all the other pools are, uh, heated.

[00:02:53] Nice. A nice 80 degrees. What's the weather gonna be like? I didn't even look yet. Uh, I looked a couple days ago and it said it was gonna be 60 degrees. That's warm for us Minnesotans. I mean, that sounds great. It might be kind of cold, but. Not for, yeah, you, you didn't. But it would be perfect for an 80 degree pool. Yes, that does sound nice. Or jacuzzi. Supposed to be the biggest jacuzzi party in town. Oh, really? That's what the YouTubers are saying.

[00:03:21] All right, I guess we'll have to do some research tonight and get it figured out. Yeah. All right, so should we do a shot before we begin? Because it's a bonus episode. Why not? Why not? All right, clink and drink. All right. That was a good clink. Drinking straight vodka. Mm-hmm. It's a bonus episode. We don't have a themed drink pairing. So shot it is. Yeah. All right, are you ready for the first story? It's a shot of love. A shot of love.

[00:03:50] That was a Jersey Shore, uh, a spinoff. No, that was. No, that was some other MTV show. That was, uh, Tila Tequila? What can I think? I don't know. Double shot at love. No, double shot at love was Jersey Shore. Yeah. Yeah. Where Vinny and Pauly D went on a dating show. Never saw it. I did. That's your thing. It is. All right. Ready for the first story? Yeah. All right. I'm ready to laugh. I hope these make you laugh.

[00:04:21] All right. The subject, my sweet but sticky Valentine. Okay. Dear kinks and cocktails, Valentine's Day is supposed to be romantic, right? Yeah. Well, mine was more of a crime scene. My partner and I decided to spice things up with some edible body paint. Seem innocent enough. Chocolate, strawberries, a little cream. What could go wrong? Apparently a lot. First mistake. We didn't think about where we were applying said body paint.

[00:04:49] Turns out chocolate sauce in body hair is a commitment. Second mistake. We got a little too enthusiastic and knocked over an entire bottle of red syrup all over our white sheets. You know what that looks like? Like a crime scene. Wow. Now, cut to us in a panic, trying to clean everything before it's stained. No, I'm sorry. Throw those sheets away. That's not getting out. Yeah.

[00:05:18] White sheets are pretty cheap. Yeah. But suddenly, we hear a knock at the door. The apartment's maintenance guy was there for an, quote unquote, emergency water check. We're standing there, half naked, covered in smeared chocolate and red syrup, looking like two suspects who just finished a very messy murder. Wow. He took one look, mumbled, I'll come back later, and left.

[00:05:46] So, yeah, that's how we ended up spending Valentine's Day scrubbing the bedroom like it was an episode of CSI. Kinky edition. Lesson learned. Maybe stick to less sticky stuff next time. From Sticky Lover. Yikes. Wow. I'm going to touch on this a little bit, but it seems like during the holiday episode that we recently did, everybody seems to involve food.

[00:06:12] They think spicing up their nightlife involves some sort of food. Yeah, that's true. It's so weird. And I never think of that. I never hear it ending up well. It never does. Lesson to everybody out there. Unless you're into splooshing, then. Splashing. Splashing. Then leave it to the professionals. I don't know. If you're a professional food person who does this, please write in.

[00:06:41] A professional splasher. Give us some tips. Give us some tips for the... Curious. The curious ones. Curious couples. The new couples are... Experimenting. Yeah. Exploring. Food. Yeah, it seems like that's the gateway. What is? Food. Yeah. That's always like the typical go-to, I think. I guess. It's like the new relationship thing. Like, oh, we're just... Let's have a sexy little romantic, you know, whipped cream.

[00:07:11] That's like a totally new relationship move. But it's never. It never works out, right? It never works out. That's what I'm learning from all these stories. Yep. If it's worked out for you, write in. Yeah. That's why you're probably a splasher. KingstonCocktails.com. All right. Ready for story number two? Yeah, let's go. All right. So, I never thought I'd be the guy writing into a podcast like this. But here we are. Buckle up, because this is a Valentine's Day I'll never forget.

[00:07:41] And not in a good way. I've been seeing this girl. Let's call her Emily. For about a month. Emily. I know an Emily. I think we all know Emily. We met at a coffee shop, hit it off right away, and things got intense pretty quickly. She was fun, flirty, and knew exactly what she wanted, which I thought was me. Fast forward to Valentine's Day. I wanted to impress her, so I went all out.

[00:08:08] Flowers, chocolates, even one of those cheesy teddy bears holding a heart. Wow. Wow. She invited me over to her place for a romantic night in, and I thought, this is going to be one of the best nights ever. And oh, it was. Ooh. We had dinner, some wine, and before I knew it, we were tangled up in her sheets, having a damn good time. All right. The night was perfect, until I heard the unmistakable sound of keys jingling in the front door. Uh-oh.

[00:08:39] Roommate? Emily's eyes went wide. I barely had time to register what was happening before she shut me off of her and said, you need to hide. Now. Wow. Hide? Why the hell would I need to hide? Then the front door swung open. A deep voice filled the house. Babe, I am home. Surprise! I got the whole weekend off. I don't have to go on my work trip. Wow. Oh, shit. Her husband.

[00:09:06] I didn't have time to process the betrayal before sheer panic mode took over. I grabbed my clothes and scrambled, naked, into her tiny-ass closet, barely pulling the door shut before he walked into the bedroom. I could see through the slates as he approached the bed. I looked down. Wait, let's see. Oops. Hang on. Oh, yeah. Looking down at his half-naked wife. Her face flushed. Breathing heavy. She's still messy from what we had just been doing.

[00:09:36] Why are you in bed already, honey? He asked, setting down his suitcase. And why do I smell cologne? I could hear her struggling to come up with something. But before she could even spit out a lie, he spotted my boxers on the damn floor right next to his feet. Wow. What the hell? He said. I swear, time slowed down. I saw his face twist into pure rage as he grabbed the closet door handle.

[00:10:03] I didn't even have time to beg for my life before he yanked it open, and there I was, stark naked, clutching my jeans, looking like a deer caught in the most fucked-up headlights of all time. Wow. But instead of punching me in the face, he just smirked. Oh, damn, he said, looking me up and down. Whoa. Emily, you didn't tell me you had such good taste. Wow. I blinked. Wait, what?

[00:10:30] Emily, who had been clutching the sheets like she was about to witness a murder, relaxed. She let out a relieved sigh and smiled. Well, surprise, I guess? I was standing there naked and confused when he reached for his belt and started taking it off. He said, so, are you staying or what? That was my cue. I grabbed my pants and I ran. I barely got my shoes on before I was peeling out of her driveway, my heart pounding.

[00:10:57] Look, I'm not judging anyone's thing, but I was not mentally prepared for whatever the hell was about to happen in that bedroom. And that, my friends, is how I learned that sometimes getting caught isn't the worst part. It's being invited to stay. Wow. Be careful out there. This could have ended very badly. I'm glad it didn't get punched in the face. Give Bianca a high five for me from X. Wow. Well. Is that from Drex? Right?

[00:11:28] Maybe. Shout out to Drex. Shout out to Drex. Check out our Gangbang episode. He hosts Gangbangs with a lot of cheating involved. Wow. Wow. I mean, that could have ended a lot worse. Yeah, it could have. I mean, the husband was excited for it. Yeah, well, who was the person that sent that? We don't know. Anonymous. Well, Anonymous. X. They just call themselves X. Maybe it was Drex. I don't know.

[00:11:58] Maybe they, uh, things like that can get weird real quick. Yep. Yeah. He was, like, scared for his life, and then, whew. Maybe leaving was the best. Yeah, well, he could have stayed. It sounded like he would have been very welcomed. But if that's not what he's into, then. Could have been weird. We don't condone his actions, but. To each their own. Yeah. That's what people are into. All right, I'm going to take a sip to that. Yeah.

[00:12:29] That must have been scary. Thank you for reading the stories. Yeah? Appreciate it. I don't like to read. Danny's not a good reader. I can read just fine. I'm just not very good at reading out loud. Narrating. Yes. You're just here for commentary, which I appreciate. Yes. All right. On that note, you ready for story number three? Yeah. All right. Let's go. Hey, Jake and Katie and Danny. Hey.

[00:12:59] You get your first little shout out. Finally some recognition. Finally. All right. I had to write in after your last episode because my husband pulled off the most amazing Valentine's Day surprise for me this year. Wow. I'm still on cloud nine. Wow. We've been in the hot wife lifestyle for about a year now. Wow. But I've always been the one organizing things. This time, he flipped the script and planned everything without me knowing a thing.

[00:13:28] I had no clue what was coming. Just a little note that morning that said, wear the red dress, be ready by seven and trust me. Ooh. It sounds like something out of a movie. Spicy.

[00:14:08] At 7 p.m. Ooh. I felt like the sexiest woman alive. And my husband? He was secretly watching in the room, watching it all unfold. In the closet, holding his pants. Right. That's what I'm picturing. How is he secretly watching otherwise? All right. Back to the story. Yeah. Let's see. Eventually, he joined us for the best ending to the night.

[00:14:36] I have no idea how we'll ever top this for next Valentine's Day, but I'm still floating from how perfect it was. Just had to share because I know you guys would appreciate it from one very happy wife. Wow. Really raised the bar there. Yeah. Next year's going to... Yeah. It's going to have to contact Drex next time. Next year. I plan that gangbang. Yep. All right. Ready for story number four? That was interesting.

[00:15:06] Yeah. All right. The subject was a hands-on Valentine's dinner. Valentine's Day dinner started out normal. Fancy restaurant. Overpriced food. Couples everywhere pretending they don't argue about dishes. I hate going to Valentine's dinners. It's overrated. I don't like it. Well, we go out to eat so much that it's not even special. Yeah. Well, it's not...

[00:15:35] Some couples don't get that opportunity. True. True. But the restaurants are crowded. I always said, even in years that we did go out to Valentine's dinner, I'm like, let's do it not on Valentine's Day. True. We do get better service. Yeah. It's overcrowded. It's just... It's not fun. Less inexpensive. That's true. Yep. All right. Let's continue. My boyfriend, Alex, and I weren't super into the holiday, but we liked an excuse to eat somewhere that served bread in a basket. I mean, don't we all? It's a scam.

[00:16:05] Don't eat the bread. Why? Because you're just going to fill up on bread. But you're still going to order food. Yeah. And then you're going to have leftovers. That sounds great. Then I got free bread. No. I'm not paying all this money for you to eat fucking bread. I'm still eating the food just at home. Or in the car on the way home. Reminder to self, don't bring Katie to an all-you-can-eat buffet in Las Vegas. No. Don't do it. I don't eat much. I'll go by myself. Yeah. I don't eat much. Yeah.

[00:16:35] Yeah. But I'm the type of girl that will sneak like a few dinner rolls in my purse for later in the hotel room. And you always thank me for it at three in the morning when you're hungry. And after a few drinks. Sure. All right. Anyways. Let's see. Here we go. We were sitting at this dimly lit table, drinking wine when I felt his hand on my knee. No big deal, right? And started creeping up my thigh. Ooh. Ooh.

[00:17:04] Oh, they're one of those couples that sit on the same side of the table. Yeah, I don't like that. Me either. Anyways. Maybe. Well, he had a plan. Maybe. Okay. Okay. I'm going to look. I'm going to look. Really? I whispered. He just smirked and kept drinking like he wasn't up to something. His fingers slid higher. I shifted to my seat trying to play it cool, but my brain was now 80% focused on what the hell is he doing and 20% on hoping the waiter didn't come back too soon. The restaurant was packed.

[00:17:34] The way we were in a corner, but not that hidden. I glanced around. No one was paying attention. Alex, on the other hand, was having a time of his life just sitting there looking at the menu like he wasn't currently committing restaurant crimes under the table. Good old Alex. Maybe he's willing to propose. Something. I leaned in. You are going to get us kicked out, I said. He grinned. Only if you can't keep a straight face.

[00:18:04] Challenge accepted. Or so I thought. Then the waiter came back. I went full survival mode, grabbing my napkin like it was a stress ball. Alex, cool as ever. Chatting with the waiver about steak temperatures while his hand definitely wasn't where it was supposed to be. I was holding it together, barely. Until Alex, this absolute menace, moved his hand just right and I jumped. Like full body flinch.

[00:18:33] And the waiter noticed. Wow. The waiter said, you okay? Um, I had two choices. Confess or commit. So I panicked. Oh, yeah, sorry. Just a leg cramp. Alex, the evil genius, nodded seriously. She get those sometimes. I shot him a look. He was enjoying this way too much. The waiter gave me a sympathetic nod and walked away. I exhaled, glaring at Alex.

[00:19:03] Really? A leg cramp? What? He grinned. Technically true. I grabbed my wine and said, you're the worst. We did not stay for dessert. That's it. Wow. That kind of makes me wonder how many couples are doing that on Valentine's Day at a restaurant. Probably a lot. Yeah. If you ever... Especially if they're sitting on the same side.

[00:19:30] I was just going to say, maybe I'm not going to judge people, couples who are sitting on the same side of the table anymore. Maybe there's a reason. Yeah, maybe there's a reason. Are we going to start sitting on the same side of the table? Nope. No, I don't like it. I like my space. Yeah, me too. And my back. Not to the door. Yeah, you don't like your back facing the door to the restaurant, wherever we are. Yep. I like to see what's happening. You have to be the man. Keep an eye on things at all times.

[00:20:00] Some spicy stories here. They are. Whew. Wow. All right. You got to be careful with that stuff, though. You don't want to get caught and get arrested for indecent exposure. You would not get arrested. How would they get caught? Well, I mean, maybe the server snitched out on them. They're not going to call the cops on you feeling your lady up under the table. Well, yeah. As long as you're not like. If you're like getting her off or something. Well, she's. I don't know. I don't think that would happen. I think it would just be a talk in the server's alley.

[00:20:30] Like, oh, guess what they're doing? It'd be some server gossip. I don't know. That's it. That's risky. Risky. It is. I think it would just be some. Where is their proof? They don't have cameras under the table. Maybe. I don't know. Some pervy restaurant owner. Careful. Careful. Yeah. I guess. Don't involve me into whatever you're into. I want to eat. I want to eat. I'm here to eat my food. Yeah. I don't need to be smelling sex smells at the booth next door.

[00:21:00] Maybe there's a special restaurant for this. Yeah. Somebody open that restaurant. Here we go. TM, TM, TM, TM. Yeah. All right. Story number five. So this one was submitted by somebody we know very well. Wow. You didn't have to like. They don't care. All right. It's probably boring. So it's not. There's like no sex involved, but it's funny and adorable. Okay. And it was on Valentine's Day. I'll judge.

[00:21:32] All right. Story number five. Long time ago when Jay and I were struggling with money. Jay. Jay. We had a Groupon for a fancy-ish restaurant downtown. Wow. Wow. Not surprised it was a Groupon. Hey, I love me a Groupon. Yeah. When we got there and looked at the menu, we realized we didn't have enough money for two meals, let alone drinks and appetizers. Sad face. We pretended to have a fight so we could leave and not order anything.

[00:22:03] When the server was approaching, I loudly said, well, I'm not going to eat with you then. And I stormed off. The server asked Jay if everything was okay. And Jay said, no, everything is not okay. It's not your fault. It's my fault. I think I need to go after her. And he left. Server was super sympathetic. We met up outside and laughed our asses off. We ended up at a dive bar having $2 drinks the rest of the night and had a blast from Elle. Wow.

[00:22:33] Wow. They just had to come up with an excuse to leave before ordering. Wow. I could see them doing this, putting on a performance. Sounds like Jake. It does. Jay. Oh, Jay. My bad. And Elle. Elle. Elle. Wow. So funny. The guy's like, what, 16? 17?

[00:23:02] They met when Jay was pretty young. Yeah. Well, he could have been 17. I think he was working at the mall. Yeah. Southdale Mall. He was a cradle robber. Yep. He got the MILF. Yes. The MILF. I don't know. I prefer a dive bar night. I don't know if she qualifies as a MILF back then. Why? I don't know her backstory. I don't know her life story. She already had a kid before she met Jay. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Really exposing this story. Sorry.

[00:23:32] The background. All right. Anyways. Yeah. Wow. But yeah. You know, I prefer a dive bar night. I mean, a fancy restaurant is fun once in a while. I always prefer a dive bar night. Yeah. We love a good dive bar. Yeah. Okay. Should we? I don't know. We love tailgate Frenchmans. Always a good time. Don't come find us there. All right. You got one more story, it looks like. I do.

[00:24:04] All right. Last one is very short and sweet. Sorry. FYI. In the future, we won't out the people that's on the stories. But we always keep them anonymous. But I had permission from my friend to do this. We always figured that one out pretty easily. Yeah. She wrote it in. She told me it was fine. So shout out L and Jay. Feel free to send in questions to Jay. Yeah. About his failed date night. I want to hear more stories. All right.

[00:24:34] Last one. Very short and sweet. It's from another personal friend of mine. Wow. Getting all the friends to send in their stories. Yeah. I asked them today. I was like, hey, do you got any? Figured to ask some friends. Why not? Why not? All right. So. Do we get to guess which friend this is? You can. But just use the first initial of their name. So not Irma. Irma wouldn't care.

[00:25:03] Shout out to Irma. Go check out her. Apparently you don't have very many friends. Our nudist. Our nudist episode or Q&A. I do too have a lot of friends. Unbelievable, Danny. All right. I have one more. All right. Last one. Short and sweet. My husband and I once had sex in a park surrounded by fireflies at night. It was magical. You know who that sounds like. I have no clue. Really? No.

[00:25:30] We just listed two out of three of my besties. I don't know. Could have been Emily. A. Come on. You know who it is. Who does that sound like? The witchy girl of the group? Yeah. Yeah. Come on. That sounds like they were in camping or something. Surrounded by fireflies. It's the witchy girl of the group. Come on. Wow.

[00:25:58] Hope they enjoyed all those fireflies. Yeah. I hope they didn't get anywhere they shouldn't be. Hopefully they didn't get any ticks. Yeah. I don't like having sex outdoors. Unless it's like a pool or something. Like in the woods? Like no. No thanks. Okay. Giving me a little backstory here. Pools. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. What? You've never done it?

[00:26:29] Hilarious. I'm sorry. You've never experienced that, Danny. Maybe we'll have to change that in Vegas this weekend. Hopefully not. You don't want to? There will be like hundreds of people. Maybe you were into that. I'm not. Yeah. I'm going to stay quiet on that one. Unbelievable. All right. Well, I think that's it. Thank you everyone for writing in. Thank you for all the stories. Yeah. So you can, if you want to write in and join, go to KingstonCocktails.com.

[00:26:59] The link is there. Please rate us five stars wherever you listen to podcasts. It helps us out so, so, so much. Can I say something real quick? Sure. Go ahead. So, we do get a lot of stories that come through the email, but a lot of them are very, I don't know how to say. Short? They're not short, but I don't really want to read them out loud or have you read them out loud. So we usually skip them. We appreciate that you send in your stories.

[00:27:29] Like they're very inappropriate, even for us. Yes. Yeah. So don't feel bad that we didn't read your stories, but some of the... Some of your kinks we just, we can't share. Yeah. Let's put it that way. Good for you. But I'm judging. I'm not here to judge, but I mean, yeah. Oh, some of them I'm judging. We can't read them all. Yeah. So. But we appreciate you supporting the show. So, I guess... Yes.

[00:27:57] So I appreciate that, but just so people know that we get them... We see you. We read them, but we can't read them to the podcast. Yeah. There are terms and conditions with having a podcast. Yeah. So, but anyways, so also you can buy some merch on kingsandcocktails.com. We have like wine glasses, furrow pillows, coasters, maybe buy some for your Valentine. Yeah. Sounds great. Yeah.

[00:28:28] All right. And I guess that's it. Thank you, Danny, for joining me today. Yeah. Thank you for having me. All right. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited for Vegas. If we go. We'll see. We'll find out tomorrow. Yeah. See. All right. Bye, everyone. Have a good night. Happy Valentine's. Happy Valentine's Day. Bye.

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