Happy Hour • Listener stories

[00:00:01] We're so tired. We're so tired. We're 11, 12 p.m. And we just recorded a normal episode. So we're going to go listen. Yeah. Nice hair. Thanks. Lovely. You can be really mad at me. I can't lay on this. I had a feeling you would. You always do and then...

[00:00:28] Well, no. Yeah. I literally specifically asked her when I did her hair. If I was like, do you want me to cut your bangs? And you're like, no. I think they're fine. And I'm like, okay. Sounds good. And bangs grow fast. Well, no.

[00:00:41] And that's the thing is I trim them. Like obviously. But I was like, okay. So it sounds like everything is growing out a little bit. Like I shagged it up a little. I'm like, do we want to do the scene kid bangs? And as she's like, no.

[00:00:51] It's a very specific like, re-suring, right? Were you drunk? No. I was sober. I was just annoying me. It's more like curtain-bany. Sush-noth. Yeah. So when you're side part is that aggressive? It's usually a little blaster. I can't see what my hair is.

[00:01:08] If you can, if you center part in your hair, it would probably be curtain-bany. Yeah. Yeah. I hear so many stories out, Martha of actually cutting her own bangs. And she's not supposed to. And you're going to get mad. And that's... I'm really good at my job.

[00:01:22] I've come to service with the fact that I actually is never going to do 100% what I want. That's true. That is very true. What I get for knowing you for how long? I can't get in 12 years, 13 years. Yeah. You just know better by now. Right.

[00:01:36] I know better than to expect good things. All right. Like you. Yep. Always cast. All right. So bonus. These are King Confessions. If you want to send yours in anonymously, you can send them into our Google thing. We have a Google question. Form. Yes.

[00:01:59] That says things on our Beacons, I believe. Beacons, yes. And it's also pinned on all of our social media, the link to it. So go and tell us all of your weird stuff and we'll read it. Yeah. Maybe that's your King. All right. You want to go first?

[00:02:16] I think go first. Okay. Their confession was bisexual, cuckolding, and he milliation. Shortens feet. Shortens feet. Okay. Shout out. Yeah. Thank you for submitting that. Shout out. Checking the boxes. Just going down the list. Yeah. You just see a no as these things. Check, check, check.

[00:02:39] I mean, you can talk about them. That'd be great. Like, I'd really like it if there were maybe we touched on these a little more. You know? Okay. Me, like, you're really good at that. Yeah. She could tell you your dirty horse.

[00:02:52] It's under some money and she will. Yeah. All right. Do you want to go to her? Sure. I'll go next. Okay. Um, two months ago, I had sex with a woman who is almost 25 years older than me.

[00:03:03] I fantasized about wanting to see her again, but she has a family. Like, a husband, two boys. One of them is older than me. Okay. Wait. So, but she cheating or is this all definitely? Okay. Yeah. I feel like this definitely sounds like. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:03:21] And so that doesn't matter. Everybody, everybody can consent of that. That's a thing. Okay. I feel like his reluctancey. Yeah. See her again. Right. It means that their shady should happen. He feels like he's going to be a home record. Right. Be careful. Friend. Yikes. Um. No. Yeah.

[00:03:43] Good luck. Um, okay. All right. I guess I'll go next. There was this very attractive lady that would frequent my coffee shop. I worked at. We would talk and eventually I developed a crush on her. One day, she forgot her sweater.

[00:03:58] After closed time, I brought it to the bathroom with me and smelled it while I jerked off to her scent on the sweater. Yeah. She has to wash her sweater. If she ever gets a back. I don't know. Imagine him giving it back. And it's just full of.

[00:04:16] I got shoes back. Is that what they want? Oh my god. I'm talking about this. Look at that. Oh, that's the thing. You know the shoes man. The shoe. The story. The shoes. The like fuck the shoes. Let's move on. And where are shoes?

[00:04:32] My cat has a shoe fetish. She falls asleep at their head deep into this like shoe all the time. It's so funny. That's so cute though. It is. Cats are fine. People are not. I don't know what she's thinking. Terrible. All right.

[00:04:48] I got my uni recommendation letter by having a three-sum with two of my male teachers. I think they deserve. I still think I deserved the letter. I had got top grades at the school.

[00:05:00] They were refusing to give it to me because one new and sex-lett teacher in another school and they wanted an omit. I didn't report it because I wanted to have sex anyways. Wow. How do you? I mean, fuck your way to the top. Well, right.

[00:05:14] I don't like how they held it over her. I know you've done this before so you can do it for us too. You don't like that, but it was a lady. I thought they specified. I don't think so. Sounds like they wanted it. Yeah.

[00:05:31] So if it's like all consensual at the end of the day. Nothing says that they are a lady. Oh, okay. No matter what. Yeah, as long as it was whatever. Then good for them. Right. GG. Again. Get that bag. I don't care how you got there.

[00:05:48] It's a matter. Get that bag and bread. Yes. Okay. Back the bread. Do you still have to pay for college then? Yeah, that was just a recommendation letter. I mean, who knows what they did after that to get ended, you know? Right. Maybe. Maybe not.

[00:06:06] I was like, I've put that into it a thriving only fans account. Yeah. Or not have to use the only fans money because they just gave it to you for. Right. Yeah. I'm going to see get the bread and the bag. Yeah, again. Back bread. Okay.

[00:06:27] So my next one. I don't really have words. So I'm just going to read it. Read the words. They were to it for you. They did do that. That is words. I don't know saying it out loud. I have a crush on Tom Holland.

[00:06:45] He's way better than Toby McGuire and Drew Garfield. Can confirm. But I'm looking at his feet and I wonder what do Spider-Man's feet smell like? I mean, you're back. Show me is there a soul in an interview.

[00:06:58] As if I was there, I would have sniffed his foot on site. I don't know many people who would not. I guess if there's a feet. I mean, I wouldn't. But if you're that into them, there's a lot of people are.

[00:07:14] You know, if it's a celebrity, like if you're that into them, I don't think it's no. I wouldn't either. But I put foot. I should have a huge thing. If there is celebrity, I'm sure they have lots of, I don't know, foot fans. Yeah.

[00:07:31] There's like a celebrity foot fan like webpage. Yeah. If they're wiki foot or whatever it's called. Yeah. Wiki feet. It's all of like celebrity feet. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Enjoy that. So concerned, really. Not surprised. Not the internet but. I'm not happy about it either.

[00:07:51] Sure, there's a hands one too. Oh yeah. All right. Last one. My boyfriend and I have shower sex pretty often. I love it when he puts a wash cloth over my face. It feels like I'm getting water-worded. Yep. Well, I pounce me from behind. That's aggro.

[00:08:10] I would not be into that. But okay. Wow. These are aggressive. Very good. Also, who likes to have shower sex? Fuckin weirdos. What the heck? Well, if you like being water-borded. What do you mean? What do I mean? What does sex is awful? No. It's difficult. It's difficult.

[00:08:28] It's difficult. Um, you know. Do you just have a shower chair? I shower cook chair. I would totally have a shower cook chair first of all. Um, but no, you don't need-

[00:08:38] I don't- like, you just need to find someone that's an appropriate height and then it's not an issue. But like, I don't like finding places to like hold my- put my hands to lean on. Okay. I don't- shower blow jobs are fine. I like those.

[00:08:51] I don't like blow. Everything else. I'm so circumcised. I am- I mean, I'll endo shower together at all. I don't want to be in the shower with them. The only thing I do- I like- I like- I like that. I like that.

[00:09:04] I like going in the shower and just talking about our days. That's nice. Like casual shower, yeah. Well, I like- I like that. I hate everything about that for you. We're adorable. I like that. I like that. We'll go in the shower and then-

[00:09:17] One of you said, my cook chair. And- No. This is like- I don't understand this cook chair moment. This is a shower head between us. And like we've been- I know. I like it's mother-in-groomed deal. I know. Because your shower head. It's not.

[00:09:30] So you have the shower and then one of us stands on one side. Yeah. Yeah. So one of us always- So one of us always between. And then we both get water. Do you have like an orgy-size shower? No. There's only it's a normal- There's a bathtub.

[00:09:42] I just stand on one side of the shower head and the other person stands on the other. We're short, okay? I am five-three. But he is five- eight. No, I don't- I don't- I need- Usually can you guys stand with clothes on?

[00:09:53] Because I don't want to see that. I need- I need this- Your shower head. My microphone. So you stand like this? No. One's here. Right. But then one is always cold. No. You have a shower head that goes above. Like a rain falling? I'm short enough. We're both-

[00:10:12] Oh, I see it. I'm not sure if you can understand. Gotcha. It's like the drinking off thing. One has to be shorter than the other person. Yeah. Okay. Now we're both short enough that we can fit under the shower head comfortably. Then your block- Somebody's blocking the other-

[00:10:27] No, if you're holding the same height. Because this is here and the water is here. Oh, you're sitting underneath. Yeah. Okay. Now we get it. We can both have water. It doesn't have to be a one person as cold.

[00:10:39] You should just get one of those rainfall over the top. That'd be perfect for you. Yeah. To or two shower heads is also an option. Yeah. That would also- When that goes from all angles. Right. You just have one on either side. That's like the best case scenario.

[00:10:53] I think I just don't like how showers are so like usually small in homes. Like if I had an orgy shower, I'd probably try to have more showers. I was like, extension. No. The shower in our extension is like- Does it get better in there? No. The bathroom.

[00:11:10] It's a three-quarter bathroom. It's a three-quarter bathroom. It's a three-quarter bathroom. I mean, there's a laundry sink in there. No. The bathroom downstairs. It's a three-quarter bathroom. You've- I've done the lab before, too. I have. I don't think I've overpeednessing those. Okay. Because people-

[00:11:30] Workers were working on our only bathroom in our old house. Yeah. And so I had to go like eight hours a day for four days straight without having a bathroom to use. Unless I wanted to go somewhere else.

[00:11:41] And so I just peed in my laundry sink because whatever. I was drunk. Some of the guy was throwing up his bathroom. There. There. I had pee. So I went down the drain. I rinsed out the same bathroom. Yeah. Whatever. I mean, I've never done that.

[00:11:59] It's not like a kitchen sink. Yeah. I don't only pee in the nice kitchen sinks. To be clear. That's like a tiny dungeon sink. The finest of sinks only. No section of things. No laundry sinks. Only the finest porcelains sink. There can be a nice porcelain dungeon sink.

[00:12:17] There couldn't be a room. It's not mine. It's not in my house. They may exist. Yeah. Staling steel only. It's not like a hospital. We're going to. Just like I never swallow my counter. It's very difficult. Did you? Yeah. Depy in a sink. Yeah. I don't know.

[00:12:36] I was drunk. So no, not ask me. I'm not a good judge of the other. I'm not a lawyer. All right. Those are bonus episode. Anything else? Did we bonus well? We bonus. We bonus well. She doesn't think we did well. Is there anything else?

[00:12:58] There were bonuses for the bonus? No, no. No, no. I'm not. Great. Safe sex. Don't get an STD if you do just get treated. Don't get an infection. Tell your partner. I'm going to dirty dungeons sink. Don't like white. Don't like back to front. Don't do that.

[00:13:17] Don't do that. That's bad. Go left to right. You're best. You're best. You're best. We'll be proud of you. Come to us for more sex advice tips. We're really good at it. Bye. Bye.