Happy Hour • Christmas

[00:00:00] Hi everyone, welcome back to Kinks and Cocktails. We are going to do a bonus episode with all

[00:00:17] of our friends. We have our friends today and we have Big D. Big D is back again and we

[00:00:25] have K-Bop. Okay, so yeah, so what we are going to do, go check out Santa Fele episode. This

[00:00:38] kind of like a replay of that but let's go for some fun facts. Ready? Okay, so fun facts. 40%

[00:00:50] of us are more likely to use sex toys this time of year. In December or yes. Okay, definitely

[00:00:59] definitely hard yes. For Christmas, yes. 34% of people having more orgasms in December

[00:01:07] good for them. Bear. Bird and calories. Oh my god. So more babies are conceived in December

[00:01:18] than any other month of the year. So you mean September because they're conceived in December

[00:01:24] and before in September? Well, I feel like it's more Valentine's Day because I worked with a lot

[00:01:29] of scorpions. To be fair. And we had a work party and it was like everybody was a scorpion.

[00:01:34] That's fair. We need to look up the statistics behind this. Yes, I want to know. So the search for

[00:01:45] quote unquote Santa has 447% increase on pornhub in December. Pornhub is still a thing. Yeah, duh.

[00:01:55] Okay. I mean. Is that hot? Santa? What kind of Santa's? I don't know. I'm not sure. Is it just Santa?

[00:02:06] Just Santa. I said no. Santa suits. Red Santa? Red boots. I have a lot of questions.

[00:02:13] I do have a lot of questions too. I think we need to dig into this. Uh-huh. Be more specific.

[00:02:18] But condomsales spike this week a lot. Really? Around this time. Yes.

[00:02:28] Fending year after year. Yes. Say what? Well, all the people that got into relationships

[00:02:35] to snuggle during the winter. A single. Yep. They're getting ready to break up in the spring. Oh no!

[00:02:43] Can't you? Can't be tied down. Wow. Well, I guess we'll get into a concessions.

[00:02:51] So I'll read the first one. Okay. Number one. I'm 24 years old and I wanted to make

[00:03:00] Christmas Eve a bit more fun for my boyfriend and I. I did all the typical things.

[00:03:07] I got a sexy Santa outfit. It's a typical Tuesday. A typical Tuesday.

[00:03:16] To wear and a bottle of his favorite scotch. But I really wanted to spice things up.

[00:03:26] I was grocery shopping and when I came across a very thick and long candy cane.

[00:03:32] Mmm. Mmm. Good medical emergency room. She should know. I think we all know where this is going.

[00:03:41] And yes, you are correct. I decided to purchase it. Bring it home and I use it. Oh my god.

[00:03:50] You thought that I would. Sticky icky. Uh-huh. Very sticky icky. Um wait. I gave him a live show.

[00:03:57] Who did she use it on? Herself her head. Herself. Mmm. He loved it. He was present. Okay. Okay.

[00:04:06] And he even started to eat it right out of my hoo ha. Okay. That's adventurous.

[00:04:16] We had a lot of fun. I'm sure you did. Um, but with it, but couldn't find it the next day.

[00:04:28] I looked under the bed and everywhere. I looked under the bed and everywhere and we could not find it

[00:04:37] at all. Oh no. Where's this go? I walked into the kitchen to find her dog chewing on it like a chew toy.

[00:04:48] Oh my dear god. I freaked out. And I tried it. It is. It is a candy cane.

[00:04:58] But the dog was chewing on it like a chew toy. Okay. And I freaked out and tried to get it from him,

[00:05:04] but he ran off outside and into the woods with it. My dog ate my candy cane. You're sex toy.

[00:05:13] Oh, it was a sex toy. It wasn't like an act of eating it the day before. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I missed

[00:05:19] them. I thought it was an actual thing. Do they not buy their dog enough toys? Uh, maybe not. I don't

[00:05:24] know. I mean, a dog would like a... I thought it was an actual candy cane. It was an actual candy

[00:05:29] cane. But it was a sex toy. It was an actual candy cane. That was a sex toy.

[00:05:33] And then what's a prox toy? The dog. The dog can't eat it after they did it afterwards.

[00:05:41] After they did the deed, the dog found it. And then the dog eat it and they were like, uh,

[00:05:48] no, you can't. It's not a toy. They got close.

[00:05:56] That's really bad. Nobody got hurt. I mean, at least you want to die. I mean,

[00:05:59] hopefully it's on the Thanksgiving list of like won't die and die. What do you mean? The candy cane.

[00:06:07] He won't die so he's fine. It's in the dog. It's okay. Yeah, it's pepper.

[00:06:12] He won't die. All right, so a little bit weird, but I mean, it's gross. It is gross.

[00:06:17] It was gross, but I don't know. Did anybody die? Did anybody die? Nobody died.

[00:06:22] Out of all the things that was his chute toy.

[00:06:27] He probably doesn't eat it. You know, I have a cat that just...

[00:06:31] Sugar. Sometimes you're so curious. Uh-huh. It outweighs the other factors.

[00:06:37] I think that was the situation. We're here just so curious about what that peppermint little candy cane was.

[00:06:44] Well, dogs don't eat underwear. So sugar. A lot of things.

[00:06:50] Like underwear. Yeah. Of course he's going to take that and run other woods with it.

[00:06:57] I says it's this is situation. He's alive. Yeah, it's alive. All right, so do you want to read story number two?

[00:07:07] Story number two? All right.

[00:07:13] All right, story number two. Go ahead.

[00:07:18] Every year my husband and I have midnight tradition on New Year's instead of a New Year's kiss,

[00:07:24] I give him a blowjob at midnight and he comes all over my tits.

[00:07:29] As the countdown fireworks are going off, off on TV.

[00:07:36] Thanks for the podcast. Keep up the good work.

[00:07:40] Wow. Somebody who sent it in. Okay, so they just like

[00:07:45] that's their New Year's tradition? That's a good tradition. It is. It sounds great. I mean,

[00:07:51] is Anderson Cooper giggling in the background though? That's what I want to know.

[00:07:58] It is what it is? Good for them. Yeah, I mean, I love that. That's a good tradition. I think it is.

[00:08:04] That actually just sounds like a good tradition any day of the week rather than new year.

[00:08:10] Here you go. All right, story number three.

[00:08:15] Last year we were at my boyfriend's parents' house for the holidays. We spent all week there.

[00:08:22] We stayed in the guest room, unpacked all of our bags,

[00:08:25] put all of our clothes in the dressers, etc. A few days into our stay I noticed

[00:08:31] something seemed to be off and my underwear were missing.

[00:08:36] By the end of the trip there were only three pairs in the drawer. I packed 10.

[00:08:42] I suspect his dad or someone there were stealing my underwear. My boyfriend doesn't believe me

[00:08:51] and said I must have lost them. No. But that's not possible. It just isn't. His dad has been acting

[00:08:59] weird the entire week around me. I just know he has been a pervert and taking them.

[00:09:07] I don't know what to do, but I don't really want to stay here anymore. I hope all have a better

[00:09:14] holiday than I have. Cheers to the new year's anonymous. Oh my God, that is some tea.

[00:09:21] That is some tea because you imagine going to your like in-laws and like that happening?

[00:09:28] He's a panty, sir. Well, you know what you know when your underwear are missing.

[00:09:33] Rides. Hate to that person but you know. Okay, whenever you go on vacation, I packed like

[00:09:39] 10-20 pairs of underwear because I don't know why it's just a thing. Yeah, you always see more

[00:09:46] right? And then do you even toy them? No, exactly. I mean they can't leave it at two. Well,

[00:09:52] you might need to put them in the hotel safe. Ah, and the hotel safe. She might have to.

[00:09:59] But like, I haven't got missing. That's disturbing a little bit. I have questions. I do too. I have

[00:10:06] a lot of questions. Did she confront the boyfriend? Did the boyfriend talk to the family?

[00:10:12] I don't know, girl, you're... That's a good one. Everything is okay.

[00:10:19] G is a... I hope everything is okay. I was supposed to say. One time when I was

[00:10:27] babysitting my mom's condo in Florida, her...

[00:10:32] What was it? Like a property manager had...

[00:10:37] Oh!

[00:10:39] Keys to her condo. And he didn't know I was going to be staying there and

[00:10:46] he was like rifling through her underwear door. Oh my god, yeah.

[00:10:51] And it was like they didn't know I was going to be showing up to stay there in...

[00:10:54] But he had like access to the condo for like pest control maintenance reasons and whatnot.

[00:11:02] Uh-huh. And I was like, mom, all of your drawers are like pulled out...

[00:11:08] And like her and been rifled through. So, and he did end up getting fired but I was like,

[00:11:15] this is just weird. She's just like, oh my god. She's an elderly person. They have access to their condo

[00:11:20] and they're out of town. And it was just all kinds of weird. Thank you, I don't know anyone like that,

[00:11:25] but I do think there are people out there like... Oh for sure. So the fact that she had a

[00:11:29] wrap-up opportunity with the boyfriend, I think she needs to talk to the boyfriend.

[00:11:35] At least. At least minimum. That's so weird. That is really messed up. Oh my god.

[00:11:43] You don't always do anything underwear? I don't want to know. I don't want to know.

[00:11:47] You should be making a Christmas tree. Oh god. For a shrine. Okay, well sorry number four.

[00:11:55] Are we ready? Are you guys? I think we're ready. Okay. So I listened to your Santa

[00:12:01] Felia episode and it helped me come clean to my partner about this fetish I have.

[00:12:08] I am truly a Santa Felia act. Thank you for helping me feel not alone or like a weirdo

[00:12:16] and know my partner and I roleplay Santa things a lot and it's improved our relationship so much.

[00:12:25] Good for you. You're round or just as time of the year? They didn't say, but I mean good for you.

[00:12:31] Just wanted to say thank you. Have a happy new year and of course a kinky Christmas.

[00:12:38] Oh yeah that's nice. Super sweet. I'm glad that you like you know became clean and

[00:12:46] and they found something in your show. I made it special to them. That's good good for them.

[00:12:51] I'm so happy for you guys that means a lot. Yeah. So um thank you everyone for tuning in.

[00:13:05] I think this is a great episode. Thank you for our guest stars. Thank you.

[00:13:11] Oh.

[00:13:13] Everyone's been released. Yeah. Please as always give us a fire start rating and

[00:13:22] and right in. Yeah, please write in all of your weird quarry. This only happens if you

[00:13:29] send good materials. Exactly. So send all your the tea that all your daily tea. We want whatever

[00:13:37] we want to have a tea party. Yes, we want all the tea. Let's talk about it. Please send it to

[00:13:43] what kinks and cocktails at gmail.com. We appreciate it. Thank you so much. All right bye everyone.

[00:13:52] Good night. Santa Feu. Say bye. Bye.