Episode 4 • Dendrophilia • Sexy Tree Huggers

Hello.

Hello. Hello. I'm Katie. I'm Ashley. And I'm Moth. We are Kinks and Cocktails, and every episode we explore a different kink and a cocktail. Gotta get drunk. Every time without fail. Absolutely. Don't drive drunk. Don't do it. Ashley, do you want to just describe our cocktail pairing? Oh, we did the lone tree, right? That's what it was. Yeah. I picked it, so. That was the only thing I could find that had to do with trees. It is a gin drink with orange juice. Vermouth. Vermouth. There's powdered sugar that made me happy. Child. Club soda and lemon and orange peel. Yes. That's very good. So I guess obviously this episode is about dendrophilia. So which is the when somebody is sexually attracted to trees or kind of combined with like equal sexuality. So Mother Nature as well. Yeah, we decided to really find our nature. Oh, my God. Partner nature. Yeah. Mother nature sponsor us. Please. Anyone sponsor us? Anyone? Just send me$5. I'd be happy. We'd be so happy. All right. So how's everyone doing? Pretty good. Yeah, I'm doing good. I don't know how to deal with the fact that it's August at this point. That's my existential crisis on the daily. But other than that, I'm doing well. Summer's almost done. I'm sad. Anything new with you, Ashley? I have a really bad sunburn. Ouch. That's what I get for going over on a boat and not packing my items. No sunscreen? No. Everyone assumed I would have brought it, and I was throwing up in poor George's car. Oh, boy. And you're the mom. You're supposed to bring it.

It was on the way.

That's what I get for going to Convergence. Well, I would wear sunscreen and still get sunburn. So just a little titty burn. It's okay. Let's see. For me, I realized why I don't like boobs. Yeah. I figured this out. Oh, I remember. Yeah. Because it feels belittling to me to receive them. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. I just don't like that feeling. Yeah. Well, kudos to figuring it out. Yeah. Yeah. I kept just thinking about it and just thought about it until I figured it out. Spirals around boobs. Glad I figured that out for myself. All right. Should we get into it with some fun facts? Let's do it. Okay. So, dendrophilia. There are 50,000 or so known people worldwide who participate. Holy shit. That's kind of a lot. Yeah. I don't know how much of the population that is, but like... It's more than I thought. Yeah. But with that being said, on FetLife, there's only one tiny group for it, and there's only 21 members. Wow. Reddit, there's only 73. Okay. I did not check Reddit, but that's... I only found one group. Okay. I found two groups.

Oh.

Just to throw it out there. Were they small? They were very small. One of them had like maybe three or four posts on it. And then the other one was probably the dendrophilia one. Was it the one that was like, give me three words to write a story? Because that's the one I kept finding. Yeah, there was one that was like a lot of like story writing and like hypotheticals. And then the other one was literally called sex with trees. I could not look at that while I was at work. I was very worried. Okay. Looking over your shoulder. Incognito mode does not work. My boss doesn't care. She knows what I do with my pre-dive. Let's see. So there's only 5% of paraphilias are with inanimate objects. So it is very difficult for psychiatrists to observe this and get it figured out. So therefore, this paraphilia is put into the other category in the huge list of paraphilias that There is. Let's see. So instead of having a G spot for this, people call it their E spot for eco-sexual. Boo. I don't know if I hate that or enjoy that. I'm not sure. I hate it so much. I kind of like it. I thought it was cute. No, it's definitely cute. I'm just like, puns. You know I love them. That's all I got. Oh, wait. I have one more fun fact. Yes. There is a flag. I also have a fun fact. But there's several flags, not one specific one. Oh, really? Yeah, they're all like kind of they're similar, but they're all like green, cream, brown, nature color striped. Oh, cool. Yeah. Mine is there is a dendrophilia night elf guardian druid in WoW. world of warcraft and what do you how like that explain it's a character you can be i guess well what do you mean by like is it just a sexy tree man like what is this is it like an ent wait is this i think i saw a youtube video where there was a like game where at the end you had to beat this giant tree monster yeah and it had like the the vagina what are we talking about the same one this thing was huge like the size of a building And you had to, like, kill it through its vagina. It would spread its tree legs and, like, try to stomp on you and sit on you. Oh. And, like, I can't remember the name of it. It was very interesting. Because I was going to say, is this a playable character in WoW? It just says character. It says dendrophilia, night elf, feral druid. Oh, yeah, she's feral. That is her. Oh. Let me see. I don't know. What's tree like? Right, I'm confused on the dendrophilia part of it as like, it's an elf. Does she have like certain moves that involve trees? Maybe. Restoration talents? Like throws a branch at you? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Just throws a branch. Nature balance. Mass entanglement. Moon and stars. Crest and fern. That's very nature-y. Right. I don't know. I'm just telling you what I found. Interesting. I appreciate it. Listen, if you thought it was a fun fact. It definitely is a fun fact. If it has to do with WoW, I'm in. Alright, should we move on with history? Yeah, definitely. Take it away, Moss. So, I think I mean, I don't know. I think the first thing that I want to say to even in like aspect to dendrophilia is like, it's not inherently a sexual thing. Right. So even in history and in a lot of different aspects of it, it really comes down to just like loving nature and the environment and like gender or dendrophiles in general started off, I think is a very like not inherently sexual thing, especially in like popular media and then slowly became more sexualized over time. Not to say it didn't exist sexually, but, Totally did. But like it became more sexualized over time as like a term, you know? Yeah. My first thing that I found, which I kind of was in love with, is like Greek mythology. There's the story of like Daphne and Apollo. And basically it's this whole thing that Daphne was loved by the god Apollo in Greek mythology who pursued her until she grew exhausted and cried out. for Gaia, the goddess, to help her. And basically this goddess turned her into a laurel tree, which Apollo took and then coveted and held onto it for the rest of time. And it was the first story of, I mean, I don't know how sexual that necessarily is, but the first story of a man being like, this is my lover.

Look at this tree. This is my tree. Don't touch my tree. Special tree. Mine. Mine.

A little bit later, in the 1960s about, there became this really common term of biophilia. And that is specifically a hypothetical human tendency to interact or be closely associated with other forms of life in nature. So the desire or tendency to commune with nature. And that was originally coined by a psychoanalyst called... irish from um and he basically was just using it as a term for like a friendly feeling towards life okay um so that started off like i feel like very tame yeah and like i definitely think especially in earlier texts there's a little bit of like reading between the lines of like how much do you really enjoy nature right um a little bit later in like 1970 i Edward O. Wilson actually extended the meaning to mean the rich and natural pleasure that comes from being surrounded by living organisms. Okay. So that was a really cool thing. It's a little bit more deeper. Right. It gets a little more spice added to it in the 70s, which I think tracks for the 70s. Like, who knows? I'm sure a lot of people were loving on some drugs and stuff at that time. And I think that tracks, you know? Definitely. I'll ask my client that always tries to get me to do shrooms. He'll tell me. then there was Brenda Love who actually wrote the encyclopedia of unusual sex practices and wrote about dendrophilia and had notes that like trees were ancient symbols of fertility and that they would even have designated days in ancient times that men would go into the fields to ejaculate onto trees as like a fertility symbol Okay. Like a good luck. Right. Okay. It's like, you know, we'll just have some babies. It's fine. So, you know. A little bit later in 1985, there was a book called Anxious Pleasures, The Sexual Lives of an Amazonian People by Thomas Greger. And I will say, take this with a grain of salt because I feel like it's the 80s now and now we're getting wild in a different way. But Thomas Greger wrote, he said, I have been able to find two other stories of masturbation and in both men are the principal actors. In one tale we learn of a man who found remarkably gratifying hole in a tree which he began to use To the exclusion of his wife and girlfriends, in the second story, a man made an artificial vagina of leaves to which he became similarly attached to. In both myths, the culprits were seen by other villagers who both... who hacked away at the holes with an axe and tore the leaf vagina to shreds. In both stories, the masturbators behaved as if their leafy companions had been real women and they wailed for the deceased plant and cut their hair short and took off their belts as a symbol of mourning. Wow. So this was in the 80s. Someone was observing a mall, I believe. tribe in the Amazon, basically, and that was something that he had observed and or heard through other members of that tribe. That is wild. I wonder if the holes in the tree, like, if that would hurt. I can only imagine. I mean, if you're fucking it long enough, I feel like you get some calluses on you. Is it the calluses or does the hole just get really smooth? Oh, yeah. I mean, I feel like you got a callus first. Fair enough. Right. I mean, if you sand it, though, I mean, you could have sanded it first. Right. They do make wooden dildos, but yeah, those are sanded. Right. Uh-huh. I feel like they can't be sanitary. Either or. I'd be afraid of bugs and stuff. Like a chipmunk? Oh, my God, that's not a bug. A giant chipmunk. No, like termites. No, I would be afraid, like, you're putting your man bits in a hole. You don't know what's in the hole. There could be a chipmunk that just... Or anything. A snake. Anything. That is terrifying. You gotta clean out the hole before you go in it. Please clean out your holes. Your tree holes. I also thought it was super interesting that they mourned the loss of these. Of the pleasure and derivative from that. They were like, oh, I'm really sad about this. I wonder if it's equivalent to a guy had to throw away his sex toy and I'd be sad. So tragic. And all the while, there's not much, you know. Right. Also true. You don't have modern sex toys. You have this hole in a tree and this is all I got. Yeah. Chronic masturbators have nothing left. um going on to like the 1995 era that's when dendrophilia actually became like the coin term preferred um and that was by larry buell and that was in reference to henry david thoreau's love of trees so specifically like a singular book that he read and was like oh yeah this is this is how we're going to coin this now um in 1999 raymond corsini actually published the dictionary of psychology And that was where he used dendrophilia as a term that may actually involve sexual contact with trees and or veneration as phallic symbols. Okay. So that's where we actually started to see like in psychology when, you know, sex... With trees started happening, I guess. In 07, we coined the term like chlorophilia, which was a love of all things green and growing. And that was both in sexual context and in non-sexual context. And that was actually from a painter called David Lee, who used it to describe his love for the color green.

Wow.

Okay. And then in the same year, there was actually a study at a university that estimated only 5% of fetishes, I think it's a similar study that you were saying,

are

actually within human objects, which I thought was cool that it came out in the same year as chlorophyllia became popular. I'm surprised there's not more. No, 100%. For some reason, I thought it'd be more than that. Right. I guess it's a level of like, I don't know. And I wonder how much of it is like intimate relationship, you know, and like just having... casual sex versus like this is my partner you know you'd have like a sex buddy tree but maybe that's like not dendrophilia to an extent right this is my buddy tree this is my buddy cactus that sounds horrible don't do that he's really prickly he does have his name his name is cocktie there's a centerpiece in our table of a cactus that looks like a penis named cock eye He's doing his best. Yep. He's a little crooked, but it's fine. It happens. Just a little weeble wobbly. In 2009, I think starting to get into more recent events, I also was loving like modern day exploration of this. So like in 2009, there was actually a 21 year old Scottish man who received a lifetime ban from a park because he was trying to have sex with one of the trees. Wow. He was charged with public indecency. I think that's fair. I mean, you're in a park where children can be. Yeah. It's broad daylight. Yeah. Do it at night when no one's around. Please don't do it in public. But maybe that's where his specific tree was. Right. You can't move it. I mean, you could. It'd take a while, but you could try. It's illegal in a public park, but. Right. How do you. So it was what he was doing anyways. Right. How do you legally take. Ownership of a tree. Marry it. Can't. Marry it. I like that you booped your nose for that. Marry it. That's what it is. You're like right on the money. And then the last thing that I had which I thought was really cool in like modern era I guess was like in 2016 there was like a pretty semi-revolutionary film that came out by someone. A Chinese artist named Zhang Bo actually produced A movie that was called Teridophilia, which is literally meaning the love of ferns. And it is actually seven young boys who basically have sex with ferns in the woods. I came across that. In Taiwan. Yeah. Which I thought was pretty cool. It was like an art installation. Yeah. At Botanical Gardens in Italy. Yeah. Did you watch it? I didn't end up watching it. I watched it. How was it? It's on YouTube and it's like 12 minutes long. I did not watch the whole thing. There's not much going on. It was like just these boys in the woods, like laying on ferns and licking them. They're very slow and sensual with it. It wasn't anything crazy looking, but yeah. I feel like that's most things I came across. Like nothing was like super aggressive. I feel like with the trees or anything like that. On Reddit, I did see a picture of, of a guy with his penis in a tree. Really? You could tell. Like, how he was, like, holding the tree. Like, I can't, I don't know how to explain this. I can picture it. As she's acting it out for us. Yeah. Bear hugging the tree. Bear hugging the tree. And, yeah, I was like, okay, I'm gonna scroll past that one. Sigh for science. Sigh for science, and now I'm good. And that was Willow's at work, so that was real good. amazing i mean it did say not safe for work and i still clicked on it so i feel like that's almost a taunt at this point that like if it says nsfw i have to click on i know it's like most of them were fine for work that one was just the only picture that i saw that i was like oh no thank you but yeah that's all i have for history should we go on to psychology sure very cool history Yeah, that's a lot. You found a lot more than I thought you would. I tried. This is a tough one for that. All right. So for psychology, I guess there's lots of different parts of psychology for this. So one of them is obviously a deep rooted love for nature. And that could lead to like being it being like a political statement for some people, like extreme environmentalists, like a radical form of environmental activism. Like they think they can save the earth

in

this way. Yeah. So some people wondered about like consent of the trees and like, or mother nature. It's like, what if, you know, are they, you get what I'm saying? It's like, they're not consenting this. Like, can they? But I'm just going to say also, even in that regard, what was the Netflix documentary that was like fabulous fungi or something? And it was literally all about how, fungus and trees communicate using interconnected systems. It's not that they're conscious, but they are aware. They're alive. Right. Another weird video I saw on TikTok. Oh my gosh. I actually saw another weird video. It was this woman asking permission to hug the tree and the tree apparently it works. I've never done it. But the tree moves and And it swayed. Yeah, it swayed. And it was like, brush my left shoulder if you consent. It did it? Yeah. That's kind of cool. I mean, you have to find a tree with a low enough branch, but then you can get consent from your tree, I guess. Maybe we should try it. Communicate. Communication with your tree. Yeah. But I mean, with consenting, like somebody I saw online brought up a really good point and said like, well, the trees aren't consenting to getting killed by humans daily, right? Hundreds and thousands of them. It's like, why not give them some love? Like, is that going to hurt anything? It's based on killing them. Devil's advocate. Right. We do kill other animals and we don't fuck those. But even like tree hugging. Even if it's something as simple as that. Just giving it love. People that really love the mother nature aspect of it. I'm very mean to my plants. You're mean to everybody. If you want to live in my house, you better be prepared for some tough love. But you're mean to your plants. I heard if you talk nicely to your plants, they do really well. I don't think if it matters how you talk to them. No, there's been experiments done. It's not like meanly. It's more like if you... want to live, you better be ready for some neglect. I love you, but I'm not going to be... I don't take care of myself, so I can't take care of you. Just give them a nice little warning. You will get watered when you get watered. I love you, but... It's in a sweet, nice voice. It's just... Okay, I think that's all that matters. Yeah. Okay, I thought you were, like, swearing at it, yelling at it, like... Don't die! They played metal for plants. I saw that. Versus, like, doing, like... classical music and the metal plants did better than the classical music. Is that what the outcome was? I can remember. Okay. So just throwing that out there, but plants hate the establishment. You heard it here. So one group I came across, they own the website, the equalsexuals.org. I'd say this is one of the bigger websites I came across and people that are run a huge part of this movement. I would say it's Beth Stevens and Annie Sprinkle.

She has a book.

I love her last name. I don't have a real last name, but she has a book. Yeah. I bet they do. Yeah. Annie Sprinkles does. She has a book all about, um, ventriloquia and ecosexuals. Cool. Yeah. So they call themselves pollen namorous. Oh my God. I also hate that one. Of course I loved it. So they like, so they are a lesbian couple and they like to go around the world and marry all sorts of elements of the earth. Like they had a ceremony together where they married the sky. And then they had a ceremony together where they married. I think it was like a mountain or grass. I can't remember exactly, but they have a bunch of them. Like this is their life. And they like throw events and travel and, you know, they're equal sexualism. They are a very big part of the entire movement. So yeah. You're making a face over it. I'm just going to say I don't think it's any weirder than who's the person who married the Eiffel Tower or whatever. I think they're all weird. I'm just going to throw that out there. You live your best life. I'm just slightly judging you living your best life. Their best life is different than yours. Don't get married. It's a scam. I'm engaged. You're telling me. And I'm already married. It's a trap. It's a trap. I'm okay. I'm not like... All marriages either end in divorce or death, so... Relationships can all end in death, actually. You're not preventing yourself from talking to your partner for not getting married to them. I'm crossing my fingers for the death one. That's like the old age. That's more so what I'm saying. Listen, I never said old. I can just help you out with that. It's very much take me out. Do you mean to dinner or to kill you? It's up to you. Your choice. Anyway, back to love. Sounds horrible. So another part of it is for psychology is it can be very sensual or spiritual. In the sense of people that are into nature spirits. Oh, yeah. A nature spirit is a supernatural being, as in a deity or a nymph, associated with a tree or any other sort of folklore. Faith folklore, usually. So you can have relationships with a tree. And the psychology behind that, a lot of people have, is a tree generally can't cheat on you or lie to you, etc. You always know what to expect. It's not going to let you down. I mean, it could get chopped down. Right. Chances of that are very slim. That's when marriage ends in death. When your tree gets chopped down. Hopefully you're not the one that chopped it down. Oh. Wow. All right. Well, I mean, in real life, people do kill their spouses. So I guess let's not rule it out. It takes all kinds. Okay, so this part I'm going to read. This journalist who's environmentalist, she decided to give it a shot with a tree, a relationship. Just like see how it goes. Yeah. I'd forget about my tree. Yeah, your tree would end up

dead. So let me find it.

Is there like a Tinder for trees? Because I would like to swipe on some trees if that's cool. I can Google it. That would make me happy. If my coworker texts me three more times, go away. No one wants your attention. Do you want to keep looking for it while I read this? Yeah. Okay. It's a little long, but it's not the whole article. I could not list you a lot. So this is just the beginning of a relationship with a tree. Instead of immediately giving up the goods and having sex with a partner that would likely leave splinters lodged into my thighs and abrasions in another region, I decided to take things slow with my potential life partner. How does she know his gender? For real? I approached him with apologies about the various nails I've hammered into his limbs. The treehouse, the bird feeder, the rope swing, they're all embellishments that make you that much more appealing, I said. Kind of like when I wear that earth tone skirt that you like so much. Unresponsive, I assumed he was okay with the nails. He's so big and strong. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I pounded like 50 more into his hefty, endearing body. He's solid, like a tree should be. Next, I asked if he'd like a massage. He didn't say yes, but he didn't protest. So I began slowly stroking his trunk. Having a background in massage therapy, I figured I'd try to work some of his knots out. Knots, get it? Help him relax. I applied lavender oil. He remained tense. I tried to open myself up to feeling the powerful energy that so many dendrophiliacs swear they feel pulsating through the bark and straight into their souls. The only energy I felt were waves of concern from my staring neighbors, surely convinced that I had lost my shit. I think I'm also convinced. I told them I'd see him the next day. The pattern repeated itself over the following weeks. Though I grew fond of his deep listening skills, his attentiveness, one day I needed more than a good listener. I was all, hey, tree. How are you doing today? I had a bad day and I need a foot rub and maybe dinner, followed by some sexual healing. He remained silent and closed off. What's that? I can't hear you. Oh, you're not responding? Why are you ignoring me? We just stood there staring at one another, this tree and I. My mind haunted with memories of past relationships with humans. All of my insecurities crept up. I wasn't trying hard enough. I wasn't pretty enough. I was too needy. I could tell this tree was not a good match for me. I knew... Sorry. I knew he'd never change. That we'd repeat this pattern over and over unless I chopped him down. He was bringing out the worst in me. He was too rigid, too proud, too distant. I don't think I can love something that isn't going to love me back. Call me selfish. I've already had that experience. I cried. Sycamore tree, it's over. I still want to be friends, but this behavior is hurting me. And... I think I have feelings for that Redwood over there. I think he understands me. I think he'll meet my needs. I'm sorry, but this is how it has to be.

That's

rough. He really seemed to handle the breakup better than I did. Looking back, I knew that I should have followed my friend's advice when he suggested, go Big Danny, go Redwood. The silent treatment, the emotional unavailability, I deserved it all for settling for something convenient, something other than what I really desired, a sycamore instead of a Redwood. And maybe the lack of sex hurt him as much as his silence hurt me. I should have sanded him, prepared him for physical love instead of shying away from splinters and demanding conversation when he wanted quiet time and alone time with me. For us to just hold one another. We're working on a friendship, the Sycamore and I. I'm healing and storing up the courage to approach the Redwood. I've been his advocate, his friend, for so many years. We've been through a lot over the years together. I think he likes me too. It feels... That would make a fine match. At least that's what his body language tells me. Wow. So after that, I did find a Tinder for trees. No, I have comments on this. Wait a second. You can't go there yet. There's a lot to unpack. Yes. She really, like... I really wanted to just, like, zoom over that. No. I really appreciate how, like, dedicated and hard she worked at this. Like, Look at very seriously. Right. But also, can I just throw out there, you apologizing for putting nails in something does not mean the nails aren't there. Nope. Right. You think that that makes... You damaged it. Well, right. You think that that makes them sexy. Yeah, a little bit. Rude. You're like, I put my nails into Colin all the time. Oh, God. Different nails. Different types of nails. You've made that cheat tree into Jesus. Like, what?

Oh.

But no, seriously, I just don't understand. Well, I think she did that before she became aware and wanting to try this experiment. But don't you think you should take the nails out? Yes. Or are they like piercings at this point? They'd be like piercings at this point. They're probably like embedded. Edgy tree. She's like, you're embellished now. Like, sorry, but it's like piercing a baby's ears. Like, sorry. don't pierce babies they do not consent to that but now you're pretty oh my gosh um yeah just like so much it feels like a lot and then not only that but then you like left him For the dude across the way. Right, where he can like see everything. Right, that's kind of fucked up. Go down with the new tree, the bigger, stronger redwood. That's kind of fucked up too. Also, like, yeah, just don't get with your neighbors, I think is the moral of the story. Well, and her human neighbors are like watching this all go down. Like, what is going on? Go into the forest and do this so your neighbors don't have to watch you be weird with trees. Like, Katie's neighbors had to watch us be weird with trees. Yeah, we had to take an Instagram picture for this outside in my... Front yard. Listen, if you're really trying to fuck a tree, buy some property in the middle of nowhere. People won't know if you're a serial killer or what's going on. They'll leave you alone, okay? And then you can do whatever you want with the trees in peace. I feel like that's the only option. Yeah. Yeah, that is a wild story. And it's way longer than that if anybody wants to read it who's listening or whatever. But that was just a small insert of it. So, yeah. That's impressive. Kudos. On to my Tinder. Yeah. Welcome to Timber. Oh my god. The first ever dating service. Is it T-I-M-B-R? Yep. Yeah. Awesome. The first ever dating service matching tree lovers with beautiful trees around the globe. And it's literally just... Wait. It's a match! You matched with a pine? Yes. Say something nice. What do you want to say to my tree? Are these people behind this profile? I don't know. Should we find out? Yeah, I want to find out. Is there people behind these profiles or is it just something silly somebody made? DM the tree. I'm DMing the tree. This is amazing. They're typing. They sent me a rose, a daisy, a maple leaf, a dead rose. That's rude. Wait, are they only talking? Okay, that was fun. If you really like us and you're serious about taking care of the forest, visit husk. Wait, is this like a money raising thing? This might be like a fundraiser. Yeah, that's adorable. Chainsaw Academy to learn more here. I can still talk to my tree though. Chainsaw Academy? I wonder if it's an AI. That doesn't sound very nice to tree. I think he is a lumberjack. No, I think it's a, like, they want to save the forest. Right, that's what I figured. The chainsaw? It doesn't sound very...

I don't know.

Keep talking to her tree friend. Okay. Yeah. I gotta go back to my tree. You smell nice, because I do love the smell of pine. Because I was going to say, it'd be really cool if they even hooked up an AI to it, and then you could talk with your tree friend. And then maybe potentially meet your tree in real life. Ooh. Be like, this is my location. Yeah. And drop and go.

Right.

Meet you here at midnight. Continue chatting. They're just sending me a bunch of emojis of flowers and trees. Can you send them an emoji back? I can. Say something mean. I'm just curious. Be mean. I mean, you are Ashley, so. You are you. You are the best version of yourself and it is the rudest. You just also sent me more emojis and these ones are all nice emojis. What if you tell it you're going to like chop it down or something? I'll cut you. I'm getting so mean. Ashley, you're rubbing off on me. Good. Katie's like, I'm so mean. I just told you to cut down a tree. I'm the worst. He sent me two emojis. It was a three-leaf clover and a tulip. Okay. I'm all trying to decipher these. Tinder for trees. That is so fun. Let's see. Trees now have the Tinder style app. What? What's this one? This is a I just want a tree to send me dick pics unsolicited. I don't know why that's so much to add. You mean like a branch that looks like a dick? Right. Unsolicited branch pics. Can we suggest things to this dating app? Probably. Feedback. We want branch dick pics. I want branch dick pics. That is the only one. Not holes in trees. But that's it. That's the only one that they have. That's okay. Also, shout out to actually going back for a second. When you said knots, it just made me remember. She's like, I massage people for a living. I'm going to massage these knots out of the tree. I'm like, what? I'm like, that's not how any of this works. It has multiple pictures of the tree. Hold on. Can we look at a different tree? Oh, wow. Very beautiful. That one only has one. That one's old. A redwood. Oh, there's the redwood. Yeah. Going to like that one. A larch. Didn't like you back.

Nope.

Maple. That one only has one. You wouldn't find anyone sweeter. It don't matter if you're black and white for the birch. The birch is pretty young. It's only 75. The olive tree. The olive is Aspen. Aspen's really young. 45. I can't Promise you a steady hand, but I will sing you a lullaby each night. Is that because they sway a lot? Oh, my God. This is adorable. Megolia. I am a late bloomer. Elm. I love horror movies. Oh, my God. And the picture of the elm was like very cryptic looking, like in the dark forest. Cherry. There is a reason they call it a cherry on top. 18 years old. You still have just 250. Right. I come from a land down under. Yeah, I like these. These are cute. I'm definitely going to look at this later. I will send it to our group chat. Yeah, sure. You're only going to be cracking up. Definitely. It's definitely not a new sex thing. Definitely not a new sex thing. We know you, Katie, now. You've let out your secret. I'm going to send it to all of my group chats because I want everyone to be very confused and I think it's going to be more funny. That sounds like a great idea. I'm not even going to respond. I'm just going to send it and then see what happens. The phone's on silent anyway. I don't care. I need some more gin. Chug, chug, chug, chug.

Okay.

Gin and juice. We're drinking gin and juice now because it's easier. One shot of gin. Glug, glug, glug, glug. Yeah, one shot. I still have some. Thank you. Five years later.

Yep,

sorry. You can listen. Sounds like you're peeing. Katie, stop peeing. God, Katie. On the floor. I couldn't wait until we were done. I'm telling Danny. Okay, so my next story. So this guy in film school, he wrote a script of a guy who bought an orchid flower. He brought it home, had sex with it, and then he put it on the grave of his late lover. How? How did you have sex with that orchid? I did not see pictures. I need pictures of this. That orchid is destroyed. Or, alternatively, he is not very well endowed. Right. So, but I mean, the ending got me. It was like, then he put it on the grave of his late lover. Like, oh. Yeah. I don't know how I feel about that. No, I don't know how I feel about that either. Now they're both dead. Oh, God. You're welcome. Oh, my God. I whispered it. Maybe no one heard it. They heard it. We turned up everybody's mic for this one, so. Oh, good. They heard it all, right? Yeah. My bad. Turns out they didn't hear it. Let's see. I guess... Trees do have a life cycle, so that's why some people like it. They are birthed, they grow, they bear fruit, they get sick, they can die. They're very human-like, I guess. All of Mother Nature is... We're all the same in that way. I'm putting that in quotes. We're all alike. They only live to be 500 years old. Hey, my tree was 250. But they do die. They do. That's the only similar part, yeah. And, you know, we all like to lay down our roots and branch out in life. I know, had to throw that in there. Sorry. Too bad. Sorry. The puns run rampant on this one. I know. Let's see. So I did come across, I did share it with you guys, that domination side of it. Did you guys see that? No, I don't think I did. I put it in the Google Docs. I am so bad at looking at the thing. You told me to message you if there's something in the Google Docs, and I did. Okay, I'll explain that. So I found it on The Hub. Oh, that's why I didn't watch it, because I did see it, and then Colin was sitting next to me, and he was like, I'm not watching your tree shit. It was so weird. Well, there was no trees involved. So it was just this dominatrix. Shout out to Goddess Nixon. um she made a short video where she's talking to men about like recycling your can i say that i don't know i think so i mean i said a lot of things today stuff you're come yeah word you can say i don't know monetization i don't know anyways i don't know so i'm making money off this mother nature sponsors us yes please um isn't that a tampon brand maybe they should sponsor us at mother nature so she was asking them to like she's like there's enough pollution and stuff in our landfills like you should eat your come and recycle it so we help the earth sort of thing and i was like whoa never thought of that okay interesting vibes that was the only thing i saw on that she's i think the only person to say something like that

and i saw

it yeah sweet you guys did come across so like well you okay i think i'm done with the psychology part this other stuff is after talk so okay That's all I got. Common practices. Common practices. It's just a lot of, like, what I saw was a lot of people more so running around either, you know, some people were having sex with trees. Some people were, you know, digging holes into the ground and sticking their male bits. You can say it. I said worse things. I have also said the F word. They have put their penis into... The hole and fucked the earth that way. Okay. That was a video I also saw. I didn't want to see that one either. That goes against what this dom was saying, though. Yeah. Oh, very against what that dom was saying. Yeah. And what you said in history where they would ejaculate onto the trees. So that's a different take. Yeah. I mean, I feel like that's like, I guess more in like the thing of like all... Like, nature-loving, I guess, more so than anything. Not really just trees, but... Right. Right. I was like, what did I write there? Do you have, like, chicken scratch like I do? I do. That's why I have to read my... Every time. Basically just fighting climate change in general, more so. Yeah. Like... Recycling. There is an ecosexual day. I don't remember the date. Oh, it's like a holiday? It's not like a real holiday, but it's like Earth Day where you go take care of the earth. And there's Ecosexual Day where you go fuck your neighborhood tree. Literally take care of the earth. Take care of the earth. My favorite thing that I saw is ecosexual is an identity. Just like being bisexual. I did see something about this where they... They were fighting to add it to the LGBTQ plus. Fighting to add... What is the letter? E? I don't know about that. Also, at this point, there's a nice little plus on the end. I don't know if we need to specifically add your letter at this point. If you want to include your letter, fine. Include it in the plus. I don't know if you actually need it. I agree with you. I also saw some people... Oh. How... Scientifically says that. I don't know. I don't understand. I just saw some people being like, protect yourself. And then they're going to make like a human tree. I mean, sounds adorable. Like a little baby Groot. Hell yeah. And then like the bathhouse in Australia. I don't know if you guys saw that. Yes. That's one of the things I sent you. Yeah. Go on. It's amazing. Um, it takes the sensor UV lights and microphones, um, to sensitive. Do you want to go to the website? Yeah, I'm going to, that was my plan. Um, Yeah. Because I'm trying to read to my kitchen. I was going to write it all, but it was kind of a lot. Yeah, I only wrote a small little blip of it. I just noted, go to website read services. Beautiful. Even better. I will do that. I know it's an article that I'll explain, I guess, what this is. Yeah, sure. So this is, I don't know if it's like a, I guess it's like a company. It's like this art duo company or it's like a group of people called Hello Pony Express. And they have an ecosexual bathhouse. It's in Australia. Yeah. It's all like an indoor space, which I thought was kind of interesting considering based on eco-sexual stuff. But I mean, there's greenhouses, whatever. So they, it's like a modern take on eco-sexuality where they do like dominant stuff. And they provide dominant BDSM sessions that focus on eco-sexuality and you can go in to be submissive to them and have a session did you find the it my thing kicked me out okay it was loading and then it was like no you don't get to look at this that's super interesting i feel like there's a plethora of things that people will create for whatever your thing is right as long as you have enough people involved then it the world is your oyster that's very true or your tree or your tree i hope that it would help Are you finding it? I had to connect to your internet. Oh, okay. I think it was this one. Nope, that's the manifesto. Because I posted it in the thing, right? We both did? Yeah, it's also in the group chat. Oh, the group chat is where it was. I was looking in the... CoolDex. CoolDex. You just have to want it bad enough. I know. Let me see. I'm trying to look for it too, actually. Maybe the one I'm thinking of. I can. Okay. Because there's two companies and groups that do this. Oh, really? Yeah. So I did find the services. Do you want me to send it to you or do you want me to just read it? You can just read it. Okay.

Okay.

So for Hello Pony Express, their services include a pollination gallery. The freshest and most exotic blossoms bursting with pollen just for you. Which I imagine is just like a room full of plants and flowers. Right? I would think. Yeah. Do you get to do stuff with them? Yeah. I would guess so. That's the whole point of this. Yeah. Do they have private rooms? I think you're just able to book each of these rooms. Got it. That makes sense. So there's Win Play Zone. Let us caress you with a loving breeze or wind us up with a gale force blow. I wonder how they do that.

Gale force

blow. Like I can only imagine like, you know, those like indoor skydiving things. Yeah, totally. I can't imagine how else. Yeah. So the next one is composting glory hole. So deep and dank. You want to come over and over. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't know either. These are really small descriptions, so we're having to use our imagination here. Devolution swing. Try your hand at some devolution play, and you may never want to go back. UV accessible. Special accommodation for the ultraviolet sensitive. So I'm guessing plant lights? Yeah. Capital scene sauna. Relax in our guilt-free 100% post-consumer sauna chamber. The latest eco porn and dazzling HD. Featuring all of your favorite ecological services. Oh God, this next one. Hourly bee swarms. Enter the drone zone and be carried away on a honey tsunami. Are there actually bees involved or is this just involving honey? No, I bet that involves bees. Wow. Because not all bees are like aggressive. Like most bees aren't. Okay. Well, and some people might enjoy the sting, you know, which I guess that's not nice to the bees. I feel like that might be a collateral thing. But most bees, if you're not threatening them or hurting them, will not sting you. And this is all about loving and yeah.

Right.

The last thing is professional metamorphosing mistress on call available to fulfill your dark ego cravings. So with the UV accessible one, that one also has, that's what I was talking about. They have like little microphones so you can, and like you put on headphones and you can hear the plants moving. Oh, cool. Like a deprivation sort of thing. Yep. Kind of. That's cool. That's the one I was thinking about. That's the one I like. That's the one that you like? Yeah, that's the one I want to be at. That is some ASMR I would enjoy, actually. Why

you don't like this ASMR?

I hate bodily noise

ASMR. No.

She's going to have to listen to it later. Thank you. Love you. You're just doing Cottonmouth. I don't know what to tell you. I know. Stop it. I really can't. Okay. No more. Anyways, moving on. Do you have, well, while we're on the same subject, I did find the other company that does this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they were kind of more natural with it. I feel like the other one was more like involving a lot of technology and, you know. Definitely creates a scene, you know. Yeah. So this one goes by in more of a natural way. They're Sacred Sadism. So first of all, they own a store and their store replaces traditional leather BDSM toys with plants and ecological elements. So just like there is a paddle made from like bamboo and like grass clippings so you can feel it. I feel like that wouldn't last very long. It was fake grass. It was just to look like it. It's not very eco-safe. I know. I'm sure they resourced everything naturally or, you know. eco-friendly, bamboo, hemp, what have you. So I don't know, but I thought that was kind of cool. So their services, so plant-conducted electro play. We use a violet wand and power tripper attachment to tease and sometimes torture our submissive saplings using various plant materials such as aloe, lavender, cannabis leaf, or other requested plants. Wow. Yeah. Rose, next one is rose flagellation. We conduct impact play scenes that use thorned or unthorned roses and other flowers in place of the typical flogger or petal. That would hurt. Yeah. Oh, God, this next one. Ginger figging. Did you guys come across this?

No. No.

We carve a ginger root anal insertable plug that creates a warming hot sensation in the rectum. And they have a picture. Oh. That would burn, I would think, so much. Yeah. Yeah, it would. No, thank you. It says warming sensation. Well, ginger is not like spicy, like a spicy pepper, but it's definitely like a warming. Yeah. Just make sure there are no tears in your butthole. I made that mistake cooking with jalapenos and then... In your bubble? No. Things happening in the bedroom and I had to run. Take a cold shower. Let's put it that way. Always wear gloves while cooking with jalapenos. Yeah. Did you get Danny's butthole with your jalapenos? No, it was just... With the Icy Hut. It was just my... Down... Yeah. No. I can't remember if I was cooking with them or he was cooking with them, but... I just remember the Red Hat experience. The what? The red hot experience. What's that? Wasn't that you? For what? Went down on you with a red hot in his mouth? No. Oh. No, that was not me. One of our friends. Now I don't remember. Tell us someone's story. Their boyfriend went down on them with a red hot in their mouth because they thought it'd be sexy.

Oh.

I've heard of like Pop Rocks. No sugar. No, they called me crying and it was like 4 a.m. and I'm like, what the fuck? No, it was not fun because they called me crying. Mine was an accident. I would not do that on purpose. Boys are dumb. I don't remember who, now I don't remember who it was because I always thought this was you. Nope. Nope. I mean, I know I love candy, but not that much.

Okay.

No, their boyfriend just let it be, like, super sexy, and it was obviously not sexy. Oh, my God. They called me correct. Now I want to know who this was. I'm curious, too. So sorry I told your story if you listened to this. We name no names. Right. So the next one is, which I never heard of this before, nettle play. So nettles are an actual plant.

Yep.

Fresh nettles are brushed across various areas of the body, creating a tingling, stinging sensation wherever they graze. So nettles. I don't know what they are. I didn't either. Do you know what they are? It's a plant, a green plant that if you touch them, they sting you. This is what happens when you touch them. They irritate your skin. They can have little cuts and raise bumps.

Something inside

of them that can then get into your skin is they're filled with histamine, which causes irritation. And they're actually naturally also filled with serotonin. So put that into like this sort of play. Does that make you itchy? Yeah. Itchy and it just hurts, but it also gives you a rush of serotonin. So it makes sense that this would be in this sort of play. What makes that different than like poison ivy? I think poison ivy is like, I think this is like healthier. It goes away after a while. Yeah, like a short amount of time. And it doesn't, you can't like... And then give it to someone else. Yeah, got it. So this is just like, yeah, poison ivy, I've got to take that. And not all nettles will sting you. Okay. Oh. I didn't know that. And then the next one is human flora bouquet. This is an objectification scenario that asks the submissive to become an armature for a floral arrangement that is meditatively created over their bound body. Of course, we must water our flowers to keep them alive. Dot, dot, dot. Chinese water torture. And there's the picture for that. Yeah, that's cool. So you're just like held down or bounded down, whatever, and they just decorate you. It's like some bondage play. Please decorate me with flowers. Yeah, I like that one. That sounds fun. The last one is master gardener slash plant role play. This is a role play scenario in which a submissive takes the role of a plant and and fully submits to the care of the master gardener taking care of them within set limits. Don't let me take care of you. No, you would just yell at me. Ashley will neglect the hell out of you. Why aren't you sitting better? I'm sorry. You have really bad posture. I thought that was just a fun scenario. Master gardener and plant submission. I love it. I'm going to bring that up to Colin later. I'm just going to yell at him. He's going to be like, you're done with this podcast. Well, he didn't want to watch your porn with me, so. What? That's what he gets. It was on Pornhub, so. Oh, that one. Yeah. There was two. You had two different ones on there. Oh, yeah. The other one was the guy having sex with a watermelon. Like, he cut a hole into it. And I... He told me that this all was weird and he didn't want to hear or think about it. The ASMR in that one was awful because I hated all the squirting and juice noises. I like muted it and I'm like, no. Terrible. I'm going to play that later. And for some reason he was sitting next to a rubber chicken on the bench and I don't know why. There's just no explanation for the rubber chicken. I don't understand. Did you ask questions in the comments? Pornhub comments are my favorite. I don't actually have an account. I should make an account. There's a Reddit just about Pornhub comments. Can I make a Kinks and Cocktails account for this? Sure. I'm surprised I haven't yet. Okay, I'll do that. Yeah, that's it for those two websites. Do you have anything else about... Not really. I mean, there's not much they really... Someone's responding to your tree tinder. Should I see what it says? Yes. So now I'm kind of curious on what our friends say about our Tinder. Tinder for trees. It was just Jen. She said, oh, wow. And then I got a bunch of it. Oh, I got a heart for the other one. And then just a bunch of videos of hot pots that I wasn't invited to because our friends are assholes. Hot pot is so good. Rude. Very rude. Thanks, mommy. I like that I have two friends and two different group chats named Mommy. You have more than one, Mom. And I'm neither of them. Disappointed. You block my group chats. I do. I don't like either. You put them on mute. It's okay. I have enough kids. I'm fine. I don't care. You'd like one. It's just a bunch of nerds. Right. You don't add me to the good ones. You add me to the trash group chats where I'm like, I have nothing to contribute. Right. It doesn't matter. I hate those group chats where we're like, I'm just going to mute you all. I had to mute them today. They had 250 missed messages. Well, that's the thing. Every time I look at it, it's just blowing up my phone in my free time. I'm literally, I can't look at my phone often enough to get through all of this. We don't have time for this. They just tell me I'm pretty, so I'm content with my life. Listen. Takes all kinds. I'm getting married tomorrow, apparently. Oh, good. To one of them. Congratulations. Good luck. Thanks for the invite. It was planned an hour ago, so, or I guess a couple hours ago. Well, I'm here right now. You want to come to the wedding that is not planned, that we don't have a venue, we don't have a date. We have a date. It's tomorrow. We're sword fighting over who gets to be the husband. Sounds good. I really want to go. Give me a time. I'll tell Desi we need to plan it better. Time and a place? Right. That's all I need. Tomorrow? Got it. Let me know when. I don't know when. I don't know where. I'm busy all day. They show up at your work. We're just going to follow them around all day. You follow one person, you follow the other. We'll keep each other updated. They're both free right now. Right now, because they're getting married. Minnesota Zoo, let's go. In the woods. Wait, where are we going? Anyways, back to dendrophilia. Wandering our way back from that tangent. Okay, I love our tangents though. Alright, so a lot of I did make a list of a lot of common trees that people fell in love with or had sexual relations with. The ones that I came across the most online. I'm interested that there's a pattern. Yeah. Birch was the number one I saw. Really? There was a lot in California. And I think because the most of them that I saw were redwoods. I saw a lot of redwoods. I don't know. Big, huge trees, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, birch is definitely another one. Magnolias, maples or oaks. Somebody mentioned like any sort of like smooth barked trees.

Oh.

Japanese maple. And somebody actually really liked cactuses, cacti. That sounds painful. I don't know how. I bet it would be super interesting to... Don't touch the cactus. Ask first. Can I touch you? ridiculous but like demographically and like geography like where the trees are like where people are and like

what their trees are very loud

be quiet um but yeah i bet it changes based on like location right probably there's a lot of events like group meetups that I came across. People actually planned let's get together in these woods. I only saw them in an orgy or they just all hugged the trees together. I saw that a lot in the past. I haven't seen any new ones. Yeah, right. Same. But there were definitely some. One fun term I saw was grassalingus. Oh.

Yeah.

I guess you just lick the grass. I guess. I was going to say, do you lick the grass or does the grass lick you? Oh, maybe. I guess it can go both ways. Just rub yourself on some grass. Yeah. You're like a dog scooting across

the

park. I like your sound effect for that. Yeah, that was great. That's what I'm here for. Safety tips. Careful splinters. We kind of already went over this, but be careful of any deadly or toxic things in nature. Wear a condom, I guess. Yeah, maybe that's why you should wear a condom. Yeah, that would make sense. See, look it. Wrap it up. Top of your note. Yep, now we're going to wrap it up. Be safe, everyone. And let's wrap it up with this episode. So one thing I thought was funny was the scene from the movie Superstar. Nope. Nope. You guys never seen Superstar? Nope. No. I put it in the Google Doc. Doesn't mean we're going to watch it. It goes in the group chat. If you want us to watch it, it goes in the group chat. Getting rid of Google Docs. Okay. No, I like the Google Doc because it keeps me on task. Apparently not. We also need the Google Doc so we can put all of the websites we use in there. Right. I put it in there. No, but you need to show. No, but those are just your information. So then we can put it in the bottom of our. Because I wonder if we can watch it to comment on it. So go ahead and watch it now. God damn it. Bring up YouTube. I'm going to YouTube you. And bring up what it says. Bring up a superstar scene. Superstar. Scene, tree, something like that. I was going to say, have you ever watched Evil Dead? That's always a big one that gets brought up. That's another one on my list, yes. Or she gets R-word by the tree branches. She dies. I

have seen this clip. Let me see it.

Play it for us. Oh yeah, I've seen it

too.

Apparently this was an SNL character she played? Yeah. Okay. And then brought it into this movie. Just doing my part to save the rainforest. Or a kiwi lime lip gloss just for you. Yeah, I thought that was funny. But yeah, there's also the evil dead scene.

Mm-hmm.

Have you seen that, Ashley? Nope. It's aggressive. You probably won't find it on YouTube. Yeah. I can't remember where I did find it. Because there's the original one from... What year is The Evil Dead came out? Like the 80s. Right. And then there's also a remake that came out in like 2015 or 2016. That was not a movie that was on my... It's a horror movie. Yeah, it's not on my roster. 2013. I don't like horror movies. And yeah, basically, it's not good. And it is definitely not consensual. Do you remember the part in Adam's Family? You've seen Adam's Family, right? Where the one wife of Tully... It's all caught up in the branches and the vines. They start coming alive and taking over her. So I imagine that. But sexually. And then she. Didn't want it. Gets unalived. And does not want it. Nope. Not for me. I'm okay on that one. Pretty bad. On to a happier movie. There's Groot from. You do? I do. Cute. But as a baby. There is so much. So much fan fiction and sexual content. Don't touch my baby. Poison Ivy. Well, there's like, like, and like the toys too, like dildos, like people, there's like Groot shaped toys. Stop involving my baby into your life. Baby at that. He's a baby. There's toys shaped like cactuses, fruit, and also crystal dildos, like the shock rubs company.

Yeah.

The ones that are just made of like out of crystals, you know, you can get the rose quartz one and yeah, that made a lot of sense. Right. So healing your chakras from within. Yeah. Actually, I think that was what it says on their website or something very similar. I think the last things I have is the little questionnaire I had for you. Did you figure out your answers for this or are you winging it? I'm winging it. Winging it. See, now this actually put in the group chat and you still did it. Okay. I looked at it briefly. It's fine. Okay. I'm ready. All right. So I'm going to ask them to answer what things and different types of mother nature you would like to either have relations with or marry. If, if you're into that sort of thing, really to do a deep dive into opening your mind here. okay so let's see for a tree do you have a tree in mind that you would prefer cherry blossom tree okay double down onto that that was quick very quick I got those it's just one of your favorite trees yeah basically I feel like it's pretty and like elegant and also I'm a huge weeaboo so I'm gonna say you're just a weeaboo it tracks uh I think a banana tree those ones are oh birth control I don't have it on me. Banana trees. For the same reason. They're pretty. Banana tree. Oh, banana tree. Really? Yeah, they're pretty. They're smooth. They have bananas. Makes sense. Mine is a wisteria. Oh, yeah. Because they're wispy and I don't know. Looked nice. I was going to say also backup answer like willow trees. I was going to say everything willow tree. Yeah, that was a close one of mine. But the wisteria has like, they're like purple. Yeah. Yeah. No, they're super pretty.

Mm hmm.

So the next one is what sort of plant or flower? Orchid. Because of the story, you were confused. No, no. But I mean, like I have all that's my favorite flower always has been always probably will be. I have orchid plants that are dying. You should just give them to you. They're hard to take care of, aren't they? No, they're super easy. They're supposed to be you just water them once every God knows how long and you can just leave them alone. I don't know how to keep anything alive. And that's why I do so good with them because I just neglect my plants. Right, exactly. But I can't keep them alive because my house gets no sunlight. I get a little

bit of sunlight. You say plant light.

Oh, right. I have them. I just don't use them. Mine would be Snapdragon because I think those would be cool. Let

me see what that looks like.

A little dragon that you can open with your hands. Use as much imagination as you'd like. Okay, yeah. I see it. So mine was a flame giant plant. And again, it's very like hispy and like lots of little

things,

I guess.

Totally.

Okay, so the next element would be air. An air? A kind of air? I'll say mine first. It might be like a very tiny, tiny tornado. I don't know. I think that would feel good, I guess.

Okay.

warm summer breeze i guess yeah oh okay okay um i definitely went i feel like the direction of like an airbender fucking weebaboo a weebaboo um sure no i was gonna be like so at what point are we going into like different kinds of like gases sure so it's like yeah i guess i would count that yeah i don't even know um yeah open your mind totally I have no idea though. It's hydrogen. Make it flammable. I don't know. Friction. Right. If it doesn't float, what's the point? All right. Is that your final answer? Yeah. I don't know what I'm doing.

It's fine.

All right. So fire. I'm going to say mine first for all of these. Just so you guys can like, cause I, Put a lot of thought into it because I had time. You guys are doing it on the spot. Okay, so fire, I did like a sparkler. Those get really hot. Yeah, but like little baby sparks might, you know. Yeah. Little tiny sparks. I don't think people recognize how hot fire gets. You know. Yeah, that's a good one. That was a close second for mine. Yeah. You just dripped the wax.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but that's not the fire. It heats it up. Yeah, it counts. You can use the flame a bit. Okay. I can just poke you with the flame. I was going to say, fine, someone like ash on me with their cigarette. Oh, there you go. Would you like it actually burned out on you or just the ash? No, just the ash. I'm not that tough. That would hurt. I don't blame you. One day, maybe. I'll be tough enough. I'm not there yet.

Okay.

Water. I had a few of these for mine. I couldn't choose. Waterfall. Just spread evil and let it do its thing. Similar to like if you're in a shower, if you have a detachable shower head. Nature's shower head, I guess. Skinny dipping. Or like ice. Yeah, that totally makes sense. Ice or skinny dipping. I love skinny dipping. I've never been. Same. Let's fucking go. It's like one of the one things I've never done in my life. I love skinny dipping. It's the thrill. I don't really like being naked. I love being naked. It's not really it. We already know that. It's true. Um, squirking. Oh, the pressure. I like that. Yeah, right. That's nice. Okay. What's the new one? That like water blaster that you see all over TikTok? I'll take the water blaster.

Okay.

That thing's aggressive. They need to re-market that. Please sponsor us. I would like to try your toy, but it's$200. Re-market and then sponsor us. This next one is more like these next two are very kind of more sensual, like spiritual. Just the earth in general. I chose either a cloud or a rainbow. wow that is so adorable I hate it I would have sex on a cloud the earth in general yeah just anything anything that wasn't covered already like the sky doesn't get enough love I don't think in this sort of situation that's totally fair I can see that that person married the sky that was the only thing I saw on the internet all of my research you know fuck the sky I'm gonna say like a hill Give me a hill to die on. I was going to say, did you want to roll down it? You're just like, no. That one's a hard one, actually. It is. Sex on a cloud sounds nice. But I want to do it in somewhere weird. I want to be on the tip top of a mountain. Right. Somewhere where I will never go. In a cloud on a tip top. Ashley's like asphyxiation. where there's barely any air sounds great sounds great let's go there this last one is impossible but outer space again i would just went with like a star because it sounds pretty this one is like really hard saturn for its rings okay i think that'd be sick just like on one of its rings what I'm having sex with Saturn. I don't know what you're doing. I think that's how this works. Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's fair. Well, on it or with it. Yeah. I almost said a black hole because the suction might feel good. Yeah. It's fucking interdimensional. We're in a black hole, Morty. An alien? No, I didn't even think of that. That's so smart. Area 51, bitch, let's go. I'm kind of jealous. Cheers to that. I changed my answer. Find your tentacle monster. Double down. I've got your shit right there. Why didn't I think of that? Good job, Ashley. I was like, wait, we're talking about outer space. I'm going for the green. I almost didn't even include that one because I was like, this one's impossible. No, I appreciate it. Clap an alien cheeks. Hell yeah. You win. I think that's all I have. Does anybody have anything else? No. I think that was more fun that we didn't plan for that because... Actually, yeah. I agree. I think that was super fun. Are you going to give us quizzes every time? Because you had a quiz last time. I have been kind of. It has been kind of getting to be like the norm, I guess. I like the quizzes. I do like your quizzes. Okay. All right. Double down. Yeah, we'll do that. Well, I guess we need to... That was endophilia and equal sexuality. Yeah. No sexual. Arbophilia. Arbophilia. All of the above. Right. We really branched out. So. Sorry. Had to one last time. Okay. So. We all hate you. Moth, it's your turn for the next episode. Drum roll. Woo. So we're going to be doing pyrophilia. Oh, fire. So yeah, it'll be fire and sexual attraction to such. It is not mine. Well, good. Fantastic. How, what are your feelings? That's a good one. Wow. I feel like that is a good one. That's kind of funny because one of my last during the quiz was fire. How would you? Right. No, exactly. I like it. Okay. I think this will be cool. Yeah. I think it'll be a good one. I'm excited. That one will have more to research too. Yes. This is a very difficult one. I really had to do a deep dive. It was fun though. I mean, if nothing else, once you feel like, I mean, there's no walls at the internet, but I definitely felt like I hit one a few times researching this. Everything I found for it was history. So I was like, here you go. Here's another one. Alright, well, are we signing off on that note? We are signing off. Alright, bye everyone!

Bye!